


A Court of Flowers and Shadows

by felizabeth133



Series: Lady of the Woods [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship/Love, Loss, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:49:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 44
Words: 41,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felizabeth133/pseuds/felizabeth133
Summary: "You make my world just a little bit more full of light.""That's a little bit ironic don't you think?""Well, flowers need light to grow so no, not really."Being the youngest and only daughter of the High Lord of the Spring is always weird. Especially when you are fully aware of the fact that your older brother Tamlin didn't want the title once your father was dead. Amara didn't have much in ways of comforts and time away from her brother but Rhysand had always been more than happy to take her away and to Velaris, as long as she swore that she would never tell Tamlin, her older brother.That was where she had been when the Blight hit.
Relationships: Azriel / oc, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Lucien Vanserra / oc
Series: Lady of the Woods [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173689
Comments: 28
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Usually being invited to a party was a great thing. This was meant to be one big apology party and everyone from every court was invited.

Everyone but Amara.

The party...

That stupid bloody party. That was where she was meant to have been that night, dressed up with a mask and her hair pinned up. She was meant to have been there with her brother, her best friend, and the rest of her court and she was supposed to have been the perfect little sister to the High Lord of the Spring Court. She should have been stood there in a dark green dress with a golden cat mask that Alis had spent so much time making for her even after Amara had begged her not to bother because she had enough to do anyway.

Tamlin had other plans for her though. He'd told her to stay behind. Said something along the lines of the fact that he couldn't watch another person close to him get hurt. He didn't trust Amarantha and while Amara didn't blame him for that, she was hurt that he'd practically guilted her in to staying behind, bringing up Lucien's eye in his argument for her to stay home.

So she'd been bored and she'd done something that Tamlin would have killed her for. Something that she had done on countless occasions and never been caught for – apart from that one time Lucien had seemed suspicious about where she'd disappeared to but thankfully he hadn't asked any questions.

She winnowed herself as close to Velaris as she could get before she made her usual, content walk through Velaris and up the stairs to the House of Wind. The first thing that had put a smile on her face was the usual and comforting voices of Amren and Cassian arguing. She'd gotten there just as Rhys was getting ready to leave for the party himself. He'd given her a hug and a smile, wished her good luck with the heathens, and then disappeared in to the night. Amara had wished him good luck and assured him the arguing would have been calmed by the time he got back so he could sleep in peace.

She had made sure to avoid Azriel as she always did. They'd been playing this game since they'd noticed the tug of the mating bond between the two of them. Neither of them talked to the other or made any attempt to be in a room alone together. There always had to be at least one other person in the room so they could act like a buffer between them, make it easier for them to not talk about the one thing that Amara really wanted to talk about. Usually it was Mor which didn't help Amara's mood as he seemed to dote on her more than usual when it was just the three of them in the room (yet another reason that Amara refused to be the one to bring the topic up in conversation between the two of them). It was almost like he was trying to prove a point. That the tug they felt towards each other didn't matter. Like he didn't need her.

She should have been there...

At the party...

Instead, she'd heard Rhys in her head, telling her to hurry back to the Spring Court. That he'd made it so that she could winnow out of Velaris right that second but then he'd have to make the barriers tighter than ever to anyone outside of them. To not tell anyone where she had been just like she never had before. He didn't want them to know what had happened if she was ever able to get in contact with anyone else in the Inner Circle. He knew either Tamlin or Lucien would tell her but he didn't want them to know. He didn't want them to worry even more than they probably already were.

Everyone in the house got a different message.

She got back to Spring Court just in time...

But it didn't even take five minutes before she was wishing that she'd just stayed in Velaris.


	2. Chapter 2

It was quiet.

It was way too damn quiet compared to the usual hustle and bustle and loud chatter that usually could be heard throughout the Spring Court Manor. The only sounds that could be heard was the occasional clatter in the kitchen and Amara's footsteps as she made her way down the many stairs that would lead her from her bedroom and down to the dining room. 

Amara was already fully aware of the fact that she wasn't going to see Tamlin at the dinner table or anywhere else in the Manor. Nobody had seen him in the week since the party had occurred and the curse had been set on all of Prythian. She doubted that any one other than the person delivering him his meals would see him for a really long time. Lucien and Amara had been around to make up for the lack of leadership in the Spring Court but things had been weird between the two. Every time that Lucien looked over at her, she could see a hint of jealousy in his eyes and the two of them worked in dead silence, never exchanging a single word and only knowing what to do by looking over the other's shoulder at what they were doing.

A soft sigh left the High Fae's lips as she sat down opposite Lucien, forcing her gaze to not go over to the empty seat at the head of the table that was usually occupied by her only living brother. Amara couldn't focus on Tamlin right now. When he was ready to go back to being High Lord again, then she could focus on him but right now there were multiple other things in her life that she was trying her hardest to ignore.

First there was the fact that since the party, every single servant in the manor seemed to hate Amara more even more than they had ever hated anyone that was a part of the High Lord's family. She used to be the favourite. When she was little the cooks would teach her different dishes, the gardener would use Amara's powers to his advantage, the maids would let her help organise everything in the house to her liking even though it meant more work for them once they were ordered to put things to how her father wanted. But all of that was gone now. They all hated her. Sure, Tamlin was the one that had been the reason that they had all been cursed in the first place but everyone hated that Amara had gotten away with not having to wear a mask at all. It wasn't like she had asked to stay behind – even though she had been more than willing to once she'd realised that she could sneak out to the Night Court – but she understood why they were all taking their anger out on her. If anything, she deserved it a lot more than any of them did. She'd been disobedient the second that they'd left. She'd just disappeared to the Night Court all because of a stupid mating bond that Azriel refused to acknowledge even existed between the two of them.

That was the other problem that she was having. There was this stupid bond tugging at her heart and making her chest ache at all hours of the day which made it practically impossible for her to sleep or even pay attention to any of the work that she was doing. All because this mating bond made her want to be around him, even if that meant that he was spending the whole time ignoring her and acting like she didn't exist. And yet... she still always went whenever she could. She showed up and she acted like everything was perfectly fine. Like it didn't feel like he was punching a hole through her chest whenever he didn't return a smile or a greeting or whenever he didn't look in her direction or he left the room whenever she walked in. She showed up every single damn time because being around him made the ache subside just a little bit so that she could handle being away from him. Being around him hurt, but it also made things better... never completely but always at least enough that she could sleep through the night.

Next was the issue with Tamlin not running his own court. Amara and Lucien were both stuck trying to find a way to fix everything that was happening with the people of the court while Tamlin just sat back and occasionally sent one of his guards off to the human realm in their varying animal forms. It wasn't that Amara didn't understand that doing that was painful enough for her brother, it was just the fact that she was always the one that had to deliver the news to the waiting soldiers who were more than willing to go because they saw it as a noble death. They saw this stupid court as something worth dying for. However, by some strange miracle, the three of them were running the court almost to the standard that it had been run before the party and the curse. Amara was in charge of filling out all the paperwork, Lucien made the rounds every single day to make sure that there was still some degree of peace amongst the people despite the rise in their anger, and Tamlin was sending his people out like a lamb to slaughter.

Somehow it was working but that didn't mean that it was the best option for the court in a long term sense. Maybe this was what would work short term but in the long run this could be the downfall of the Spring Court. A downfall that so many people in the other courts just kept waiting to happen.

Amara looked over at Lucien, someone who was more of a brother to her than her actual flesh and blood, and set her cup of coffee down on the breakfast table in front of her. Even with the mask she could see the bags under his eyes and the fact that he had been getting less sleep than she had. However, while Amara just laid her in her bed when she couldn't sleep, Lucien went out to do another round. There had been two days where she just hadn't seen him because he couldn't sleep. She'd had to slip him a sleeping tonic and lock him in his room so that he would actually start taking care of himself again. Just because they weren't talking didn't mean that she didn't care about him at all.

"Can you please talk to me? Even if it's to yell at me or to tell me that you hate me and want nothing to do with me. I can't stand you not talking to me," Amara practically begged, her desperation evident in the tone of her voice.

"I don't exactly have anything pleasant to say to you right now, Amara," Lucien told her bitterly and Amara had to bite back her tears.

"I understand..." she said quietly before she dismissed herself from the table and set herself to the library, picking up her stack of paperwork from the desk and moving to the window seat.

That was the first time she'd talked to someone since the night of the party. She'd been living in a world of silence. Conversations stopped when she walked in, Lucien wouldn't look at her and even the birds seemed to stop chirping whenever she went in to the garden.

She was stuck in a world of silence and she wanted nothing more than for it to come to an end.


	3. Chapter 3

There were multiple things that only living in the Spring Court made Amara miss the Night Court more than she usually did. One of those things was conversation, another was the fact that things always seemed to flow and life never seemed to stop moving.

The final thing though, and one that meant the most to Amara, was that she never had to pretend to be somebody that she wasn't. Here she had to be the perfect little lady, speaking only when spoken to and pretending like she didn't have her own thoughts. She had to keep a smile on her face and make sure that her hair was perfect and that there wasn't a single crease in her overly extravagant dress. She didn't have to pretend that she wasn't more powerful than her High Lord older brother just so that she didn't seem like she was more than ready to take over the court or likely to force people to rebel against his leadership.

But at the Night Court... Amara could be herself. If flowers were dying she could heal them. If she wanted to sit on the balcony and close her eyes and feel every living thing and revive them if necessary, then she could. If she just needed someone to hold her in silence, Cassian was there in an instant, wrapping her up in his arms and his wings so she felt like the world had disappeared for just a little while. If she needed someone to vent to or cry to, Mor would be in her doorway with a bottle of wine and a soft smile. If she needed encouragement or advice, she could go to Amren who was always down to have a go at someone and hype them up if they were feeling insanely insecure.

At the Night Court, Amara could be herself and she didn't have to worry about people judging her or telling her to be a certain way. It used to be like that here at the Spring Court as well but that was before Tamlin was her only living relative and the two of them could still be... well, normal.

Lately, Amara had been spending a lot more time in the gardens. Before everyone in the Spring Court hated her, Amara had always been forced to go anywhere outside of the four walls of the manor with an escort. She'd used to hate it and she complained about it every single chance that she got. She had craved privacy every single day and every single day she had never gotten it. But now she just wanted to have that constant presence of someone lurking and pretending that they weren't watching her every move.

She had never imagined that she would wish for someone to escort her around the grounds and to care that the sky looked like it was about to rain so they should get her inside before it did so she didn't catch a cold.

She just wanted someone to care.

A soft sigh left her lips as she sat down on the bench in front of the rose garden. Personally, Amara hated roses but whenever she was here, she felt close to her mother again. These roses were the mating present from her father to her mother and while thinking about her father made her mad and hurt, thinking about her mother gave her hope for happiness and makes the possibility of love more alive. Her mother had always been the one to remember Amara existed. When it came to her father, it was all about his sons, the ones that would take over if he died or wanted to hand over the title to one of them. Amara had pretty much never existed to her father though people who had been around during her childhood would always deny that fact.

But her mother... her mother had been the reason Amara had never run away from home. Her mother was the reason that Amara was still undeniably loyal to the Spring Court because if she lost this court, she lost the last thing that she had to remember her mother by.

A frown made it's way on to Amara's face when she noticed that some of the petals on the roses were beginning to wilt. It looked like with everything going on, the gardens weren't being kept anymore which meant that Amara was likely to lose her safe place. It was the only place that she could feel at peace, where she could feel like maybe things would be okay. Because if the flowers can revive and be brought back, then surely her happiness can as well?

She sighed softly and cupped the closest rose in her hand, closing her eyes and concentrating on making sure her powers reached out to all of the other roses in the garden. She didn't need to concentrate as much as other people probably would have had to, as much as Tamlin would have had to. 

It made her terrible to admit it but she kind of hoped that this curse wasn't broken. It made her feel almost normal to not have to worry about slowly letting out streams of her power so that she didn't break under the pressure of it all.

Once her eyes had opened again, all of the roses had regrown, the petals had become more vibrant and all signs of wilting were gone. She sighed softly and tucked a strand of hair behind her, glancing around the small garden to make sure that nobody had seen her. If she displayed too much then Tamlin would find out and everything would go wrong. Their relationship would grow even tighter than it already was and she might even get sent out one day instead of one of the soldiers. The only reason that she hadn't been was because Tamlin was more mad at himself than he was at Amara because he was the one that told her to stay home and he wasn't aware of the fact that she'd snuck out.

She was safe because Tamlin didn't know the full truth. She was safe because Tamlin didn't know that she snuck out multiple times a month and disappeared to the Night Court. She was safe because Tamlin didn't know that her mate was part of the Night Court's Inner Circle, or that she was a part of that Inner Circle as well.

Because Tamlin knew none of this, Amara was safe.

That was when she heard it.

A small flutter of wings.

And yet... there were no birds in the sky or in the trees at the edge of the garden walls. Then again that flutter of wings was a lot louder than it should be if it was just a few normal sized birds.

This wasn't the first time that Amara had been sat somewhere in the Spring Court and heard a flutter of wings. Sometimes the flutter was also accompanied with a flash of blue but whenever she had brought it up around the boys, they'd all dismissed it and told her that maybe staying in Spring so much was driving her crazy and that she should just permanently move to the Night Court instead. Eventually she had just stopped bringing it up but it had always been in the back of her mind whenever she saw them.

It meant a lot that they checked on her but it meant even more right now. The only issue was that whenever she saw a flash of blue, it made her wonder and hope that maybe Azriel would one day actually talk to her about the mating bond. That the next time she saw him would be the time that they'd have a proper conversation instead of just a few polite words.

Amara didn't have any actual evidence that it was the boys doing it or that it wasn't just some birds that she hadn't seen. The only thing that she knew that she felt safer when she heard it. She didn't want to give away that she knew for definite it was them because then they might stop but every single time that it happened, the ache in her chest lessened. Every single time.

If she was going to continue hearing it then maybe the next forty-nine years might be a lot easier to handle than she originally thought.


	4. Chapter 4

_~48 YEARS LATER~_

The sound of quick footsteps echoed throughout the Spring Court manor for the first time in years. No one had run through these halls for any reason since before the curse fell in to place. Urgent messages had been missing from this home in so long and it was Amara that was the one to break it.

Amara was the one running through the halls, trying to figure out where Tamlin and Lucien would be. Then her gaze flitted to a clock and she realised that she'd been running everywhere but the one place that they would have been.

The dining hall.

Tamlin and Lucien were both looking at the door when Amara burst in, both of their eyebrows raising as they waited for her to catch her breath.

Though Amara was starting to hope that she never caught her breath because then she wouldn't have to tell them. Things had just started getting back to normal between the three of them and maybe this news could ruin that and make them both go back to not talking to her anymore. What if her giving them this news thrust her back in to a world of silence and loneliness? The world that she had been a part of for four centuries. She wasn't ready to go back in to that... but if she didn't tell them and this curse was never broken, that silence would become permanent.

So once she had caught her breath, Amara straightened and looked her brother in the eye. "It happened."

Neither of the males in the room had to ask her what she had meant by those two words. They both knew what she meant. Everyone in Prythian probably would have known what she had meant. Andras had been the one on patrol that day. He'd been the sacrifice. He'd been the one to get killed by a human girl. Amara already knew that Lucien wasn't likely to handle this one well. He and Andras had always been close. They'd always been the ones to take the last minute patrols together, bonding as they rode through the woods and around the towns to make sure that the peace was being kept. There hadn't been a single day that the two of them hadn't talked until Tamlin had sent Andras off to the human's side of the wall in the form of a wolf. Lucien had been quiet since then, and Amara knew that he'd been secretly hoping that Andras would come home. He'd just never admit it.

Tamlin got up from the dining room table and made his way over to his little sister. One thing that Amara had learnt in the time that Tamlin had been High Lord was when to tell whether he was being a High Lord or an older brother. At the moment, he was being a High Lord. He grabbed her chin and tilted it up slightly, scanning her face for any hint of a lie or any hesitation to meet his eye. He found none. Amara wasn't offended that he hadn't immediately believed her, after all she hadn't believed the sentry that had told her at first. She'd made him repeat it at least three times before she'd ran through the manor to find Tamlin and Lucien so she could tell them.

And then he was her older brother again, all of his emotions shining in his eyes, something that he never did when he was acting like a High Lord. He let go of Amara's chin and tucked a few stray strands of her hair from her running back in to place. He kissed her forehead gently before he swiftly made his way out of the dining room and out of the manor.

Amara's gaze turned to Lucien who had a faint but hopeful smile on his face though if you looked close enough, you could see the sorrow in his eye. He raised his glass to his lips and drank all of it without stopping. He then nodded over at Amara's usual seat, a seat that she hadn't sat in for so long, telling her to come over and eat with him. After all, Amara hadn't been at breakfast that morning or even at dinner the night before so Lucien wasn't entirely sure whether the younger girl had at all eaten in the last twelve or so hours. Lately, Amara had been taking her meals in her room or in the library so Lucien had checked with the kitchen staff to find out if Amara had actually gotten her meals or not. He'd checked last night and that morning and been told they hadn't seen her, some of them still seemed awfully glad not to.

Amara made her way over and sat down in her usual seat, attempting to smooth down her hair as she did so. She started to serve herself and glanced over at Lucien. They were back to being friends at least but they weren't back to the point that they used to be. They weren't finishing each other's sentences or basically reading each other's thoughts, asking about each other's interests. She still saw him as her brother, nothing would ever change that, but that didn't mean things weren't still tense between them. As far as she could tell, it was because they weren't properly able to tell her everything that had happened at the party because of the curse, and for Amara, not knowing was one of the most annoying and painful things in the world.

"Are you going to continue barely speaking to me?" She asked Lucien, taking a bite out of her toast after she did. Just because she knew that he was constantly checking up on her didn't mean that they were speaking. They hadn't spoken more than two words to each other in years, though they had at least grown away from the snippy remarks and comments behind each other's backs now.

"Well if you stop calling me a pig-headed, blind asshole behind my back then yeah," Lucien told her with a shrug and a knowing smile. "The blind part was a bit harsh. Definitely uncalled for."

"Yeah but I had to hit it where it hurt," Amara argued with a shrug, causing the smile on Lucien's face to grow. "Besides, we all know that you can probably see better than the rest of us now so I'm not seeing the issue here."

Lucien chuckled lightly as he looked over at the young lady that he saw as a sister. He'd watched her grow so much these last few centuries. She'd been quiet and obedient for a while, doing everything that she could to avoid both Lucien and Tamlin so that she didn't anger them or cross a line that she didn't even know had been drawn. But that side of her was gone again and as far as he could tell, she was almost back to being her normal self.

Hopefully, the rest of Prythian would soon follow.

"I bet he breaks down the door," Lucien said, sipping his coffee.

"You're on."


	5. Chapter 5

Amara hadn't been around a human since she was a little girl, so she wasn't really sure what to expect when Tamlin brought the girl home. She hadn't really let herself sit down and come up with expectations for what she would be like. She didn't really want to get her hopes up because that always ended with herself getting disappointed, so Amara had made sure to keep busy every second of every day that Tamlin was gone.

As far as anyone could tell, no one had slept since the news had reached the manor. Everyone was rushing around to make sure that everything was perfect and Amara and Lucien were trying to complete as much paperwork as possible so that there wouldn't be any to do for a while once they got back. The deadline was drawing closer and everyone was on edge for this to work. This poor human girl had no idea what she was getting herself in to.

Even though Amara was under strict rules to leave the poor girl alone while Alis made sure that she was clean and dressed and read for dinner, but Amara couldn't help herself as she made her way to the room that she knew the human would be occupying during her stay. It was down the hall from Amara's room, something that Lucien had suggested since it would probably make her feel better about being here if Amara was closer than Tamlin and Lucien were. Apparently, she was the least intimidating out of the three of them.

When she got to the hallway outside of the girl's room, the first thing that Amara heard was raised voices arguing back and forth about clothes. Since it was Alis, that was a conversation the human was not going to win. Amara knew that from experience. It was better to just give in and wear whatever Alis wanted you to or the argument would never end. Next thing she knew, Alis was leaving the bedroom, anger evident on her face before she saw Amara and sent her a soft and caring smile, just like she always did. Alis had been the only one that hadn't resented her after the curse had taken hold.

Amara knocked gently on the bedroom door and waited for the sigh and hesitant 'come in' that then followed. "What did you say to annoy Alis so much?" she asked her with a raised eyebrow as she closed the door behind her.

"I didn't want to wear a dress," the girl told her with a shrug of her shoulders.

She wasn't acting the way that Amara had expected her to. She was pretty much acting the exact opposite. She seemed more annoyed than frightened, like this was just an inconvenience to her daw that she had to get over rather than something that would change the fate of all of Prythian. Then again, Amara couldn't fault her for that. She had no idea how much power she held in how all of their stories ended.

"Why don't you have a mask like everyone else? I thought it was some weird Fae fashion statement but now I'm thinking it isn't unless you're the rebellious type," the girl asked her with a raised eyebrow.

Amara hesitated for a second before she sighed. "I think I'll let my brother explain that over dinner. I don't want to overstep and tell you something that he maybe doesn't want you to know just yet."

The girl raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you going to give me that answer no matter what I ask, aren't you?" She asked her, to which Amara gave her a sigh and a nod. "Do I at least get to know your name?"

Amara smiled softly at that. "It's Amara," she told her as Alis made her way back in to the bedroom to do the girl's hair, still grumbling about clothes and dresses as she did so.

It took a few seconds of the mortal sizing her up, taking in every little detail of her, before she decided to offer up her name as well. "Feyre."

"Then I will see you at dinner, Feyre," Amara said with a soft smile as she let herself out of the room to leave Feyre with Alis and the various different clothes Alis was likely to get her to try on. The smile on her face only grew when she heard Alis grumbling about how Feyre wasn't letting her do her job properly.

However, that smile faltered a bit when she saw Lucien standing at the bottom of the stairs with a raised eyebrow. That was when Amara remembered that she technically wasn't supposed to actually go and talk to Feyre until Tamlin had said that it was okay. She had not been given the okay when she had decided to go and meet the girl. She'd just felt like maybe she needed another friendly face.

"To be fair, Tamlin should have known better. I've never exactly listened to any orders he's given me before," Amara told Lucien as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Fair point," Lucien said as he offered her his arm, Amara more than willing t take it. "Then again, that's exactly why he told you not to talk to her. He knew you'd do it anyway and dinner will be less intimidating for her if she knows at least one person there."

Amara looked over at him with a shocked expression on her face, her hand over her heart in mock hurt. "I feel so manipulated right now. I don't even know how to react to this."

A soft chuckle left Lucien's lips as he walked with Amara in to the dining hall. Maybe things could start to get back to the way they were again, at least that was what Amara was hoping. She wasn't ready to fall back in to a world of silence and she was set on making sure that Feyre never fell in to that painful, miserable world while she was here.

So in that moment, as she sat down in a seat closer to the one that would be Feyre's, Amara decided that she was gong to make Feyre feel like she at least had a friend here. Even if she didn't necessarily want one because they all knew that eventually, a friend would be something that she craves. 

And Amara was going to be that friend.


	6. Chapter 6

"You know that you are allowed to leave the grounds without Lucien if you wanted to, right?"

Feyre looked over at Amara when she heard her voice, silently cursing the fact that she'd been crept up on so easily. It wasn't like Amara had done it on purpose. It was kind of just what happened whenever a fae walked anywhere. She had been trying to make more noise when she was approaching Feyre but apparently Amara was going to have to keep working on that.

Amara smiled lightly and sat down beside Feyre on the bench in the pansy flower garden. There were about four or five different flower gardens on the manor grounds: roses, pansies, lilies, bluebells and sometimes there were tulips. The roses were cared for the most for obvious reasons but Amara's favourite was the bluebells purely because she'd been the one to grow them and organise the garden from scratch. It was hers.

She'd noticed that Feyre had been spending a lot of time out in the flower gardens, alternating between them every time that she chose to go out. Amara had started to get curious about which one of the four gardens was Feyre's favourite so she'd started to note which one she visited the most. Weirdly enough, Feyre visited the rose garden the most. Amara wondered whether Tamlin and Feyre had spoken about what the rose garden represented yet or not.

"Yeah, maybe I can go without him but it's nicer to go with company. Even if we don't talk," Feyre said as she looked over at Amara. "The presence of knowing someone is there helps. It just... it makes things feel a bit easier than they probably should in this situation."

"True. That's usually why I end up dragging Lucien with me whenever I head in to the towns. He complains about it of course but I know he prefers it to going on patrol by himself. He used to always go with Andras, I don't think they ever went on a patrol without him. I think Lucien just likes to have someone that he trusts around him at all times," Amara admitted as she looked over at Feyre.

A flash of guilt made its way through Feyre's eyes as. "How come? What happened to him to make him feel the need to be around people so badly?"

Amara sighed softly and ran a hand through her long blonde hair. "That isn't really something that I should tell you. And I'm not saying that because of Tamlin. I'm saying it because Lucien doesn't trust easily and if he wants you to know his past then he'll give someone permission to tell you or he'll tell you himself," she said softly as her eyes gazed over the flowers in front of them. She noticed that a few of them had already started wilting and remembered that she hadn't checked on this garden in a very long time.

She sighed slightly and got up, making her way over to the pansies before she knelt beside them. She placed her hand gently against the dirt, knowing that it would be quicker to reach all of them than if she just flowed it through one flower instead. Slowly but surely, the flowers in the garden all went back to their pervious heights, their petals becoming more vibrant and all signs of wilting had disappeared completely. When Amara took her attention away from the flowers and back to the mortal sitting near her, she noticed that Feyre had a massive smile on her face rather than the lost puppy look that Amara had grown accustomed to seeing when the two of them were alone. When they were around other people, Feyre had a more determined and annoyed look on her face, the annoyance getting worse whenever Tamlin was the one speaking but Amara couldn't really fault her for that.

"What is it?" Amara asked her softly, curious about what it was that had put such an obvious smile on to Feyre's face in this moment. Using her magic had definitely never put a smile on to Amara's own face so she couldn't understand why Feyre was smiling tight now.

"Nothing. It's just... it reminded me of one of my sisters, Elain. She was always gardening," Feyre admitted. She then seemed to hesitate before she spoke again. "Why are you so secretive about it? Your powers I mean. Your brother seems to flaunt his powers but you keep them hidden."

"Yeah, well, he feels like that is all he has left at the moment. My brothers were always more... accepting of the abilities that they had. They would walk around trying to prove that they were more powerful than each other and I never wanted that. Our powers became a way to compete for our father's favour so I kept mine hidden my entire life. Then I wouldn't have to worry about them all seeing me as competition," Amara said softly as she looked over at Feyre. "Tamlin doesn't know any of this and I would really like to keep it that way."

"Yeah, of course," Feyre said carefully with a slight nod of her head. "It's not like we really talk about anything anyway. He just... acts kind of weird around me." 

Amara nodded lightly. She knew better than to get involved. Well, when it came to talking to Feyre anyway, she was definitely going to bring it up to Tamlin. After firenight though. It could wait. That was more important right now. 

Usually, she wouldn't go but she felt like something was actually going to happen at this one. Amara wasn't entirely sure what but... something. Something was going to happen. She could feel it. 

The only issue was... what?


	7. Chapter 7

Stupid bloody Fire Night. In Amara's opinion, it was the worst night of the year. She had to deal with numerous different fae from random courts trying to convince her to sleep with them purely for the reason that they could say that they slept with the sister of the High Lord of the Spring Court. Usually she showed up for about an hour so that everyone could at least see that she had shown up, before she disappeared and everyone just assumed that she'd gone off with someone. As long as a lot of people saw her then she everyone could make their own assumptions about what happened to her for the rest of the night.

"You're scowling again," Feyre commented from where she was sat on Amara's bed while the female got ready for Fire Night.

Amara glanced at Feyre in the mirror that stood in front of her, raising an eyebrow. "You would be too if you were subjected to this stupid holiday every single year," she told her, earning a tut and a slap on the shoulder from Alis who was braiding her hair for her. "I'm sorry but you know that it's true. It's a ridiculous holiday that shouldn't even be a holiday and the only thing that I get from it is the fact that Tamlin gets off my back for the next few months and I get to do whatever I want without intense supervision."

Alis rolled her eyes as she braided the younger fae's hair. "That doesn't mean you need to bad mouth it loud enough for anybody to hear. Especially when your brother can probably hear you. We don't need your opinions making things worse."

"Remind me again why I'm not allowed to go?" Feyre asked with a slight tilt of her head.

Amara and Alis shared a look, neither of them wanting to overshare the reason that Feyre wasn't allowed out of the house that night. They weren't entirely sure what Tamlin had told her and neither of them wanted to be the ones to tell her something that she wasn't allowed to know. Either way, they still had to come up with something to keep Feyre in her room that night which wasn't exactly going to be easy. Honestly, Amara was starting to see why Tamlin and Lucien got sick of her being stubborn. She'd never understood it until she'd met Feyre.

"I thought Tamlin and Lucien talked to you about it?" Amara asked her softly, turning in her chair to look at the mortal girl while Alis went to find the dress that Amara had said she wanted to wear.

"They just said that I couldn't leave my room or be a part of the festivities. They didn't say why and I'm going to assume that you two aren't going to either," Feyre said with a sigh as she laid back on Amara's bed.

"As much as I value our friendship, I value my life more," Amara told her with a sympathetic smile. "If I could tell you then I would. I just don't know much you're allowed to know and I'd rather not risk it by telling you anything that they haven't."

Feyre sighed as she sat up again and watched Alis continue doing Amara's hair, twining flowers through it carefully while Amara tried to figure out how soon would be too soon for her to leave the festivities. It didn't take long before Alis was done and Amara had to shoo Feyre in to her own room so she could get dressed. She laced up the dark green dress and sighed as she looked in the mirror. As much as she hated this holiday, it was always an excuse to wear extravagant and pretty dresses so that was always something. Even though it meant that she couldn't wear them to another ceremony, so Amara took to running through the halls of the manor instead.

Before making her way down to the field and to where she knew Lucien was waiting, Amara stopped by Feyre's room. She pressed a pointed ear to the door to make sure that she could hear Feyre pacing in there rather than there being a suspicious quiet. Once she felt sure that Feyre wasn't breaking any of the rules set in place for the night, Amara made her way down the stairs to where Lucien waited. She gladly took his arm as they walked down the field to the clearing in the woods that the festivities always took place.

Lucien handed her a bottle of wine that he'd stolen from the kitchens and shrugged when she raised an eyebrow at him. "I know how much you hate this holiday. Thought it might make it more bearable before you sneak off." 

Amara rolled her eyes and drank from the bottle before she leaned her head on his shoulder, Lucien's arm instinctively going around her waist. "You ever tell Tamlin and I'll hide your eye," Amara told him, though they both knew it was an empty threat.

"Good to know."

Amara rolled her eyes and glanced around the clearing to see who was there and what court was there the most other than people from the Spring Court. That was when she choked on her wine when she saw a certain High Lord that she hadn't seen in almost half a century. A certain High Lord who winked at her and nodded over to the direction of the woods before making his way there. Thankfully, Amara covered up her choking rather well so Lucien didn't suspect anything when Amara excused herself and made her way to the woods, handing her bottle of wine off to a random fae that she just assumed was from the Summer court based off of their attire.

"Nice to see that you're still looking as healthy as ever," Rhysand teased before Amara punched him in the shoulder. "Ow! Uncalled for!"

"What the hell are you doing here, Rhys?! You can't be here," Amara told him as she dragged him further away from the festivities and the people of the Spring Court, not wanting anyone to know that she was talking to him.

"Well considering that there are at least three or four other Night Court members here, I think that it's safe to say that I can be," Rhys countered as he looked over at her, knowing better than to complain about her dragging him further in to the woods. "You know, considering everything, I thought you would be a lot happier to see me. And less violent. Where did all the violence come from? That punch actually hurt."

"Well, first of all, that punch was meant to hurt. Cassian didn't drag me on to roof in the bloody freezing cold every day at sunrise for no reason. Secondly, because of everything, you being here is weird, not comforting. If anything, it is stressing me out," she pointed out as she leaned against a nearby tree and looked over at him. "Why are you here, Rhys?"

"Like I said, I thought you'd be happy to see me. Plus, some sort of recon mission. I need to report back about the situation in the Spring Court. Feel like giving me any help with that?" At the look on Amara's face, Rhys knew that wasn't exactly an option. "Well, since I am here, maybe I could offer you a deal."

"And why would you possibly want to do that in the middle of everything going on?"

"Well, it's actually because of everything going on that I'm suggesting it. I can give you the exact thing that you want. Just say the word."

"And what, pray tell, do you think it is that I want so badly that I'm willing to make a deal with you, Rhysand?"

"Azriel."


	8. Chapter 8

Amara took in a shaky breath, feeling the little tug in her chest worsen at just the sound of his name. Even after almost half a century apart, and just hearing his name still had an effect on her. It wasn't something that she would ever openly admit to anyone. If she did that then she'd also have to admit how much him ignoring her hurt. How often she dreamt up little scenarios that would never happen because he apparently wanted nothing to do with her.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Amara told Rhys quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Just because you and Az act like it doesn't exist, doesn't mean that everyone else does. Actually, I'm fairly certain that everyone in the city has bets placed for when you two will finally suck it up and talk about it," Rhys told her with a shrug, looking over at her. He then sighed and changed the topic a little. "I can't let you in to Velaris but I can make sure that you still get contact with our darling friends there."

One thing that Amara had learnt in her many years of friendship with Rhys was how to see the ulterior motive behind his words or to at least realise that there was one. Here she was realising the latter. "Why are you offering me this? You never do anything unless it benefits you. Especially when it has to do with me and my family."

"Just because I can't get my own notes to them doesn't mean that I can't help you stay in contact with them. I'll see you more often the closer we get to the deadline so then I can see through you how they're doing. Or how they're saying that they're doing."

Amara nodded lightly. It made sense. She'd assumed that Rhys hadn't heard from any of them, after all it would be too risky, but she had never even thought about the chance to talk to them again. Then again, she would also have to let Rhys in to her head whenever she saw him and it had taken so long to get those sturdy walls up that she wasn't even sure that she could bring them down again. If there was anyone that she ever would have taken those walls down for, it would have been Azriel but that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon. Rhys was the reason that she had put them up in the first place but now she was expected to take them down for him.

"I haven't been able to get anything to them. There's too much risk and it would be too easy for someone to trace it back to me. I'm already keeping Velaris and the Inner Circle out of everyone's memories. I don't want to risk their lives or the peace of that town by trying to get in touch with them," Rhys explained.

"Then why are you willing to take that risk for me?"

"Because I have been around you for all of ten minutes and I can already tell that you are completely miserable. I'm surprised that your brother hasn't noticed in the four and a half decades that you've been stuck here. Then again, there is also the fact that you probably don't want him to know."

"My brother has a lot to deal with right now. My feelings aren't exactly a priority right now," Amara pointed out as she looked over at Rhys. There wasn't much that Tamlin did notice about his sister lately. There was just too much going on right now that certain things were starting to slip through and that meant that these things fell to Amara. Amara was the one that always had to piece little things in the court back together.

Thankfully Tamlin had never found out about the rumour that some of the people of the court would have preferred for her to be High Lady.

"Do you want to know why it is that I noticed that you're so miserable?" Rhys asked her softly.

"Not really but I have a feeling that you're going to tell me anyway."

"I noticed because it's in your eyes. The sadness. It gets worse whenever you hear a flap of wings or when you hear a twig snap or leaves rustle and you turn around and there is no one there. It's there because you're so used to seeing Cassian or Amren or Mor or sometimes even Azriel be there whenever any of those things sounded around you. It's sad to see. And I know for a fact that you hate not knowing whether they're doing okay or not. Your notes are less likely to be intercepted than if they were mine. Honestly, you would be a perfect secret weapon."

Amara raised an eyebrow at him before she sighed and leaned her head against the tree. "He probably doesn't want to hear from me anyway. It's not like he acknowledges my existence."

"Doesn't mean that Cassian and Mor don't. Amren would probably even like to hear from you. You always managed to stay close with her. Well, as close as you can get with Amren," Rhys pointed out softly. He then sighed. "Then again, there is the issue that having a bargaining tattoo will give you."

"You could put it on my forehead and Tamlin never would notice. And what exactly is the other half of this bargain?"

"You spend every other month in the Night Court. I can make it two if you would like."

Amara raised an eyebrow as she stood up properly, no longer leaning against the tree. "You realise that I spend most of my time there anyway?"

"Yes, but you have to sneak away for it every single time. This way you can do it freely. You would just have to look miserable when you got back here but I'm sure that won't be too hard to fake. I'm trying to help you, Amara. Just because I didn't like your father or your brothers, doesn't mean that I don't like you. I'm actually rather fond of you."

Rhys would never admit it because it was too painful, but Amara was almost like a sister to him. He felt some weird compulsion to keep her safe and whenever he saw that she was sad, his heart would break just a little bit, only to be repaired when he saw her smile. Their relationship was complicated for obvious familial reasons but there was just something about her that made Rhys feel like the world might just stop turning if her smile ceased to exist for too long. Apparently a lot of the people of the Spring Court felt the same way if their thoughts when Amara had arrived at the festivities were anything to go off of. All of them had been concerned when they hadn't seen her smile and had relaxed when she smiled over at Lucien.

Amara took Rhys in, checking his posture and the way that he held himself, looking for any sign of a trap. There didn't appear to be one though. This appeared to be genuine. "Fine. But the tattoo has to be on my leg. That way if he starts paying attention then he won't notice it."

"Sounds good," Rhys said with a soft smile on his face.

"Just get it over with, Rhysand."

"Amara, dearest, it's already done," Rhys told her and kissed her cheek in a friendly manner before he walked away.

He hovered a little bit out of her eyeline to watch her lift her skirt and see the intricate design of the tattoo that now covered the entirety of her left leg. But he didn't stay for that bit. He stayed to see the smile that grew on her face.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a while before Amara saw Rhys again. Though when she did, she was shocked to see that he was talking to Feyre. First of all, it was the fact that Feyre was there at all though she knew that she shouldn't exactly be surprised by that. Feyre was more stubborn than most fae so it shouldn't have been all that shocking that she was actually standing exactly where she had been told not to go. Then her shock grew worse when she noticed Rhys had an annoying smirk on his face, the kind that always made Amara have to stop herself from punching him. That was one of the perks of not having to see him for decades; she also didn't have to see that stupid smirk.

Amara made her way over to Lucien and nudged him in the direction of Feyre and Rhys when he noticed that their conversation wasn't likely to end anytime soon. Amara quickly shot Rhys a glare as she grabbed Feyre's arm and led her away from everyone else.

"I thought we all told you not to come down here?" Amara asked the poor human girl as she led her back across the fields.

"I'm sick of being left out of everything just because I'm a human. I'm not weak! I can handle myself!" Feyre argued, making Amara slam the front door behind them. That was when Feyre flinched away from the female for the first time.

A lot of people had assumed that Feyre and Amara were friends out of a mutual fear; Feyre being terrified of her because Amara was fae, and that Amara was terrified of Feyre being not able to save their people from the curse. That wasn't true though. They were friends based on the fact that they felt like they were the only ones that understood each other. Amara wasn't sure exactly why that was but she found herself talking to Feyre more than anyone else in the manor. Feyre hadn't been scared of her until that moment.

"You weren't let out because you are human. You were left out because this is a stupid holiday that you should never be taking part in because the only reason that women ever show up to it is for the chance to fuck the High Lord," Amara snapped at her, turning on Feyre with anger evident in her eyes. "So please, for my own peace of mind and what little sanity I have left, go back to your room and do not come out until breakfast or until someone comes to get you."

Amara let out a sigh as she watched Feyre flee up the stairs to her room. She leaned against the front door and ran a hand through her hair, untangling it from its braid that had been down her back the entire night. She listened out for the soft sound of Feyre's bedroom door closing before she made her way down to the kitchen and packed a small basket of food and drink. That was when she decided to leave, grabbing a pen and paper as she did so, and made her way to the woods. There was a small clearing there that she frequented when she needed to get away from all of the noise that living in the High Lord's manor brought. The second that she felt a headache coming on, Amara would pack a small picnic and make her way to the clearing.

She sat down beside the small pond and ran a hand through her hair, picking up the bottle of wine that she'd brought with her. Searching through her bag for her pen and paper, Amara started to think about the possibility that Feyre did actually fall in love with Tamlin. It hadn't really felt like a possibility that things would actually work, Feyre didn't really seem like the type to end up falling for Tamlin. Honestly, Amara hadn't let herself stop to sit down and think about the future since Feyre had gotten to the Spring Court. She didn't want to come up with this dream ending only for it to become a nightmare.

A soft sigh left her lips as she looked down at the intricate tattoo that now decorated her entire left leg. Her thoughts turned away from the possible future and now to how other people would react if they found out about the tattoo and the bargain that went along with it. Most wouldn't understand why she did it. They'd probably see it as an act of betrayal to the court. But Tamlin... Tamlin would take it personally. He would take it personally if he found out why she got the bargain so if he did ever find out, Amara was going to have to change the story about why she got it. She'd have to make it sound like she was forced in to it.

Though this bargain was a win-win situation for her, Amara was fully aware of the fact that no one else was likely to see it that way.

Which was why she was going to be more stubborn than ever so that no one ever found out until it was absolutely necessary that they did.


	10. Chapter 10

Why was everything so bloody loud?

The manor was never this loud so why was it now? Amara's theory was that it was because she was hungover and the world currently hated her. That this was the world's way of making her feel even worse about going behind her brother's back and making a deal with their rivals. Then again, she was probably just being extra dramatic about the whole thing and the manor was probably just as loud as it always was. Then again...

Even the thud of the glass of water that Tamlin set down beside her was too loud for Amara to manage. She groaned and ran a hand through her hair as she sat up, wincing away from the bright sunlight that was currently streaming through the windows and in to the dining room. She never could understand why all of those windows were always uncovered. Just because they lived in eternal spring didn't mean that they also had to live in eternal sunshine. There are always moments where sunlight streaming in to the building is not necessary and when half the court is hungover, those curtains need to be closed. It was just excessive to have to be blinded at all hours of the day.

After her bargain with Rhys and making sure that Feyre was safely tucked away in her room, Amara had stayed out all night in her clearing, scribbling on a piece of paper and drinking from her stolen bottle of wine. Obviously she had decided to take some of Tamlin's best but that was purely for the reason that she just couldn't be bothered to go and get anything from her own stash. It just made sense for her to take some of Tamlin's instead. She'd never found that piece of paper that she'd scribbled all of her drunken thoughts on. When she went to throw it away as soon as she got home, she found that it wasn't in her pocket so she just assumed that she had just dropped it somewhere in the woods. It wasn't a big issue, it was just a piece of paper with the drunken ramblings of her mind on them.

"Why do we have to have the curtains open? It is way too bright in here and the sun is right in my eyes," Amara complained with a sigh as she laid her head against her arms on the table.

"Just swap seats with Lucien if it's bugging you that much," Tamlin commented, much to Lucien's annoyance who was very quick to argue against it.

"What?! No! Then it'll be in my eyes instead!"

"Honestly, Lucien, you truly are a gentleman. Such a catch," Amara told him with a roll of her eyes as Feyre walked into the room.

The first thing that Amara's eyes went to when Feyre walked in to the dining room was the bite mark that was painfully obviously in the crook of Feyre's neck. She raised an eyebrow at the mortal girl who just shrugged and took her seat, causing Amara and Lucien to share an amused look. The pair seemed to be sharing that look a lot more recently since Feyre had moved in with them. Amara noticed an all too familiar glint of mischief in Lucien's hazel eye which made her lightly shake her head at him. Though that was a bit pointless as when Lucien was teasing a mood, there wasn't much that could stop him from acting on it.

Amara knew better than to be around when things blew up in Lucien's face from the round of teasing that was about to occur so she grabbed her cup of coffee and sent Feyre an apologetic smile before she excused herself from the lunch table. There was only one room in the entire manor where she would be able to control how much light was allowed to blind her and that was her own bedroom. She closed the door with her hip before she made her way over to her curtains, closing all but one all the way so that she still had a little bit of light flowing in to the room so she could still a read a book if she so desired.

That was when she saw the piece of paper with her drunken thoughts scribbled all over it on her bedside table.

Only now, there was another person's handwriting on it as well.

Handwriting that she knew all too well.

Handwriting that made her heart flutter at the sight of it.


	11. Chapter 11

It was one thing to write down your drunken, uncensored thoughts but knowing that someone had read them, someone who was mentioned multiple times in those thoughts, was something else entirely. Amara chewed on the inside of her bottom lip from where she sat in her window seat, debating whether or not she wanted to actually pick up the note and see if he had written anything back. She actually couldn't remember what it was that she had written to begin with so the fact that _he_ of all people knew her drunken thoughts from the previous night was embarrassing enough. She didn't need to know what he thought about them on top of that.

Then again, the mystery that now surrounded these notes was starting to draw her in. The mystery of what it was that she had written. The mystery about how he had reacted when a random piece of paper filled with stupid scribbles and random thoughts had appeared before him. The mystery as to what her mate had written back in response to Amara's drunken thoughts.

So Amara made her way over to her bed, picked up the piece of paper that Azriel had written on, and the conversation between the young High Fae and the (slightly) older Shadowsinger began.

**You're aware that it's basically impossible to figure out what was going through your head, right? Because I asked Cassian as well and he has no idea so I think that says a lot.**

**_Ever think that maybe it's because those thoughts weren't meant for you to figure out?_ **

**Well, my name did pop up a lot in those little scribbles and thoughts.**

**_So did Rhys'. What's your point?_ **

**Do you want to talk about it?**

**_I don't know. Maybe. I just don't think I really can handle being stuck here much longer. 48 years is a long time to be stuck in a place that made you feel suffocated in the first place._ **

Amara never did receive a reply after that so she just put the note in to the drawer of her bedside table. She wasn't sure why she felt like she needed to keep the note but she did. One of the reasons was probably because it was the most that her and Azriel had spoken, or well... written, to each other. The two had very rarely ever been in the same room, both of them silently agreeing to not bring up the mating bond or the longing that they felt to be around each other. Well, she felt the longing anyway. For all she knew, he didn't even care that she existed. For all she knew, he just wanted her to stop showing up at the Night Court so he could forget that he had a mate altogether. 

A soft sigh left Amara's lips as she leaned back against the cushions of her window seat, hearing the slam of Feyre's door as she went into the room that had been declared as her painting studio. Previously, it had been Amara's piano room, somewhere that she went whenever she felt like the world was taking over. Then Feyre had arrived, and Tamlin was so damn desperate to make her fall in love with him that he didn't even care that the small room with the piano had been the one place in this damn manor that Amara had felt safe and like anything was possible. 

She was about to pick up the book that she had originally planned on reading from her desk when she heard a flutter of wings and looked out the window, a soft and quiet curse leaving her lips when she noticed the sapphire blue that basically haunted her dreams, both waking and sleeping. 

Knowing exactly where she was going, Amara grabbed her cloak, stuffed the note and the pen in her pocket, and left the manor without anybody noticing. Well, she hoped that nobody noticed anyway. They weren't exactly observant the day after a bunch of festivities. 

Spring Court was basically fast asleep and originally, Amara had been as well. But now she was wide awake. It seemed the possibility of seeing her mate did that to her. 


	12. Chapter 12

A flash of blue and the sound of wings.

Apparently that was all that it took for Amara to run out of the manor and in to the woods that surrounded the grounds. Usually, she went in to those woods to think but she was so sick of thinking which was probably why she didn't even hesitate to go find out if it was actually him or not. She just needed to be around someone that wasn't from the Spring Court and if he wasn't actually there then she would at least be able to be alone with her thoughts.

A soft sigh left Amara's lips as she put her hair up in to a ponytail and made her way to the small clearing in the woods that she always met someone from the Night Court at. It wasn't that something like this happened often or that she usually got Night Court visitors (especially Azriel) but they had decided on a specific spot that just made it easier for everyone to get to. Usually, it was Cassian or Rhys that she met there so it was rare that it was Azriel this time. Actually, it was rare for her to meet Azriel anywhere at all. The two didn't exactly talk all that often considering the mating bond that made her crave at least being in the same room as him so often. It was getting harder and harder for her to ignore those cravings and she knew that being around him again after so long was just going to make them so much worse than they had been before.

Amara reached the clearing and couldn't help the way that her heart seemed to feel just a little bit lighter when she saw him. It felt easier to breathe and like her heartbeat became more regular and like it had a reason to keep beating. She visibly relaxed and she could have sworn that his eyes softened just a little bit when he looked over at her. Amara made her way over and sat down beside him, looking at the pool of water that carefully moved nearby as the breeze disturbed the water. She leaned her head on Azriel's shoulder, enjoying the complete silence that surrounded them and the fact that she was actually around him. That he was actually here and she wasn't just imagining it.

The quiet... it was peaceful. It was perfect for this moment. After all, their whole relationship had been surrounded in quiet. But then Amara started thinking again and the silence became deafening and she had no choice but to break it.

"Why are you here?"

Azriel looked down at her softly and sighed. "Just thought that you might need someone that you can actually talk to about how you're doing here," he told her softly, wrapping an arm around her gently. "I know that you probably can't talk to Lucien about a lot of how you're feeling so I imagine that you're probably feeling lonely and like you have no to talk to. Probably feeling desperate about that as well considering the deal you've apparently made with Rhys."

Amara's gaze moved to her left leg, the bargaining tattoo peaking out on her ankle from under her skirt. Of course, everything that Azriel had said was completely true, especially about her feeling desperate for someone to talk to, but she couldn't help hating and loving him for being right. What Amara and Azriel had, neither them or their friends were exactly sure, but they all had an unspoken agreement that it was not brought up until one of the two involved in the relationship were ready. Amara had been ready for decades, she just wasn't completely sure if he was. She didn't want to have to be the one to bring it up because what if she pushed him too far and things ended badly? She wasn't ready to deal with that. He never had made any sign or advances to show that he wanted to acknowledge the very obvious mating bond that was between the two of them. She was willing to wait though, no matter how long it took.

"Yeah... I guess you could say that I was feeling a little bit desperate about the whole situation. Forty nine years is a long time to be stuck somewhere that makes you feel like you're suffocating," Amara admitted quietly, leaning in to him a bit more as she felt one of his wings carefully tuck around her. "It just feels really hard to breathe sometimes here. I thought things would get better once she showed up but it hasn't. If anything, it's probably getting worse."

"How so?" He sounded genuinely concerned, like he was asking because he cared and not just because he felt it was the polite thing to do.

"Because I know that none of us are going to get the outcome that we want. Her and Tamlin don't exactly get along all that well so it doesn't seem likely that she's going to fall in love with him. Even if she did, she won't say the words. She isn't that type of girl. We don't have enough time for her to feel confident enough to work up to the possibility of saying it. 

Azriel sighed and ran his hand gently through Amara's hair, easing out any of the knots that had formed while she'd walked through the grounds. "Well, if anyone can help them figure it out, it's you. You've managed to stop Amren from killing Cassian so I'm sure you can handle this." 

"Honestly, I'd rather be handling Amren right now." 

Amara felt the soft chuckle in Azriel's chest more than she heard it, staying close to him as the two of them settled back into that perfect and familiar silence.


	13. Chapter 13

Everything was perfect.

Amara was in Azriel's arms, it was a beautiful day, it was quiet, and she finally felt like things might just work out for all of them. Things felt perfect and she felt safe and happy in his arms. She didn't think about what would happen to them when he left or what this meant for them or even if he was ready to talk about the bond between them because right now everything was perfect and she didn't have to worry. She didn't have to worry because that ache in her chest was gone the second that she was in his arms.

That was until they both heard a scream.

A damn scream that was so loud that Amara and Azriel could hear it from where they were sitting in the woods. Then again, considering their heightened hearing, that wasn't much of an issue because they could also hear the sound of a wooden paint pallet falling on the gravel with a loud clatter. It always seemed to be a scream that ruined the rare moments that Azriel and Amara managed to have together. Usually it was just a playful scream that followed an argument between Cassian and Amren that the two of them then had to go and deal with but this scream... this was a scream of fear.

Amara frowned as she got up, Azriel's hand still on her hip as he got up as well. "I should go check that out and you should get going," she said quietly. She'd hate it the second he left. It would feel empty. 

Azriel nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head before he left, almost as if he had never been there in the first place. The only thing that reminded her that he had been was the feeling of her hip growing cold where his hand had previously been. He never held her unless she was at her absolute worst. That was the only time that he ever seemed to acknowledge her existence, when her emotions were so overwhelming that he couldn't help but be by her side because the mating bond wouldn't allow him to be anywhere else. She had a theory that it was because if he didn't then he got a headache from ignoring the urge to go and comfort his mate but the two of them had never talked about it. He just was always there when she was on the edge of breaking and he always managed to piece her back together. 

A soft sigh left Amara's lips and she followed in the direction of where she had heard the scream. What she saw next was a pale Feyre in Tamlin's arms while Lucien climbed the fountain to get a head of a Night Court member... somebody that Amara had met on multiple occasions. She knew him as someone who lived in the Hewn City. The amount of times that he'd flirted with her was to the point where she actually started wearing the ring Cassian had given her as a solstice gift one year on her left hand instead of her right. It had the desired affect but it had also meant that now a whole city of people assumed that she was engaged to the Illyrian General when the only way she would ever be able to Cass was as a best friend. It came in handy sometimes but other times it just got a bit annoying.

"Where were you?" Tamlin asked her with a frown, still holding Feyre but he was no longer focused on comforting her and more on berating his little sister. Berating Amara always came before anything when it came to Tamlin's priorities. 

"I went for a walk. I needed some air and Lucien said yesterday that the grounds were clear enough that it was fine," Amara told him, mirroring his frown on her own face. "And I'm pretty sure that we have bigger issues to worry about right now than where I was on my perfectly innocent walk." 

Tamlin's frown deepened but Lucien had already gotten down from the fountain with the head. He sighed slightly and handed it off to a random guard before he dried his hands on his jacket, making Amara raise an eyebrow at him and how casual he was being about it. Feyre was shaking in Tamlin's arms the entire time that this happened. 

Amara stepped over the paints on the floor and placed her hand gently on the poor human's elbow. "Let's get you inside. I'll make you a warm cup of hot chocolate to help calm you down," she said softly, guiding Feyre inside once Tamlin let go of her. 

She didn't need Fae hearing to know that Tamlin and Lucien were already talking about Rhys being behind this. 

It would be a lie if she said that she didn't agree with them. Yes, she knew that Rhys had to do it to keep up his act but this... this might have been just a little bit too far.


	14. Chapter 14

"Who would do something like that?" 

That was what Feyre asked Amara once they were settled on the big bed that took up the majority of the back wall of Amara's room. They each had a cup of hot chocolate in their hands and Amara sighed as she looked over at the poor girl. It wasn't like she could tell Feyre the truth about any of it or even that she knew exactly who had done it. That would just end up raising even more questions and questions were not something that anyone was equipped to deal with from Feyre right now. 

Lucien and Tamlin were busy protecting the borders and making sure that nothing too horrible came in to the grounds and yet Rhys had managed to get in anyway. Amara wasn't surprised in the least purely because she knew that when Rhys wanted a way in, he always found one, but that didn't mean that Lucien and Tamlin wouldn't start freaking out about it all. It was completely understandable why they would but that didn't mean Amara wanted to be around to see it. She would probably start spending more time around Feyre to avoid the possibility of her brother asking her any questions about the situation. It wasn't likely that he would but there was always the small possibility anyway. 

"Someone who is really desperate for the Blight to end," Amara said carefully, being wary of the way that she worded everything. She knew exactly why Rhys had done this. She just couldn't make it look like she was siding with Rhys in case Feyre told Tamlin about this conversation. "Somebody who is probably trying really hard to get back to the people that they care about." 

"I don't get why that means they have behead someone and leave the head here," Feyre complained. 

"They're getting desperate. Out of everyone in this manor I would have assumed that you'd understand it the most." 

"How so?" 

"Well you were just as desperate to leave here and get back to your family. I believe you told my brother that you would try anything necessary." 

"Tamlin." 

"Excuse me?" Amara asked with a raised eyebrow, genuinely confused. 

"You always refer to him as your brother. You never say his name. At first I thought it was because you two don't get along but then I realised it's because you thought I wouldn't want to hear his name or that I might freak out if I did. But now, it's okay. You can say his name because..." Feyre trailed off. 

"Because?" Amara urged. She just needed to say it. Those three words. She just had to say it and this would all be over. 

"Just because," Feyre said with a shrug, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks as Amara heard the girl's heartbeat flutter and pick up. 

So close. They had been so damn close. Her admitting it to somebody else would have been the first step. It would have been the first step to her saying it to Tamlin and this stupid curse being over. Amara would have been able to go to the Night Court and practically force Azriel to finally talk to her about this annoying mating bond that was clearly between them. She'd be able to feel free and happy again. To actually want to come home to the Spring Court whenever she pleased. 

Instead of saying all of this, Amara just nodded and sipped her hot chocolate. It wouldn't do well to force Feyre to talk about it because then she might just clam up completely and not say a word about how she felt towards Tamlin. The urge to encourage her more was so tempting though purely for the reason that Amara wanted her life back. She was so damn sick of constantly feeling suffocated by her brother and the Spring Court politics that she had to deal with every single day that she was here. But Amara knew better so she didn't say a word about the situation. She left Feyre alone to her thoughts and forced any of the vines that had started to creep out from under her bed at her impatience disappear before Feyre could notice and ask questions. It was bad enough that she knew Amara had more power than she let on, she didn't need her to know that she didn't always have control over it. 

It was ridiculous. The fate of the entirety of Prythian was to be decided by a mortal girl's heart. 

Even a Fae's heart was unpredictable but a human's? Those could change in an instant.


	15. Chapter 15

"You're in a particularly good mood," Amara commented as she watched Feyre walk down the main stairs and over to the three High Fae that stood before her. 

"Well, I didn't think I'd actually get to participate in this party," Feyre countered and Amara pretended not to notice the way that Feyre's eyes scanned Tamlin for any signs of injury but completely ignored the cut that was on Lucien's cheek. 

Tamlin had been gone a lot more often, handling all of the issues that had been happening around the borders which then meant that Feyre had been distracting herself with paintings to stop herself from admitting that she was constantly worrying about Tamlin. As a result of this, Amara usually found herself in the library, either reading or writing notes to Azriel and the others which were slowly filling a box that she kept under her bed. The conversations varies. Sometimes they were about what she was missing at the Night Court and sometimes they were about everything that was driving Amara crazy. Basically, they ranged from friendly and happy to therapy sessions for the two of them as they ranted to each other about things that had been bugging them lately. If Alis had found the box at all, then she hadn't commented on it or brought it up in any way to Amara and she was fairly certain that Alis hadn't told Tamlin. At least she hoped that was the case because if she had then Amara would have been yelled at by now.

"Unfortunately for you and your neck," Lucien said softly, "tonight's just a party." 

"Do you lie awake at night to come up with your witty replies for the following day?" Feyre asked him with an amused smile and a slight tilt of her head. 

"I think he actually might. I found a piece of paper with them written down," Amara teased with an innocent smile in Lucien's direction which caused Tamlin to shake his head with a small chuckle. 

Amara laughed softly along with her brother as Lucien winked at the two girls. Tamlin offered Feyre his arm and the two of them walked ahead while Tamlin explained how this party for the Summer Solstice was different to the last Fae party that Feyre had been to. Well, the last party was already different because Feyre hadn't been banned from this one like she had the last. It seemed that Tamlin had learnt his lesson from telling Feyre that there was something that she couldn't do. Amara wandered off on her own to go and get a drink, just breathing in the music and sighing contently. She ran a hand through her hair and glanced around, feeling that something was a little bit off. However, the sentinels around the place didn't seem to notice anything, so Amara just brushed it off with a sip of her wine. 

That was until she felt that tug in her chest and she knew exactly who it was. A smile made its way on to her face and she grabbed a new glass of wine before she followed the direction that her heart was telling her to go. She found Azriel pretty easily after that and smiled as she sipped her wine and sat down beside him. 

"Thought I'd just come and check on you," he said softly as he looked over at her. The last time they'd seen each other had been when Feyre had found the head. Ever since then it had mainly been notes passed between the two of them. Notes that had revealed so much about each other to the other person. Notes that definitely had changed the way that they looked at each other but not in a bad way. Notes that had changed their relationship already and it had only been a couple of weeks. 

"I'm okay. Solstice means that everything kind of calms down around here. It's easier, I guess is the right word to describe it," Amara admitted as she handed him her wine glass. 

"Well, you look beautiful," he said softly as he took the glass from her. 

"Do you usually fly two and a half hours to just check on people?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and a soft smile. 

"You're a special case." 

Amara nodded lightly before she tucked some hair behind her ear. The music drifted over to them through the trees that separated their small clearing from the field and festivities. Azriel set her glass down before he stood and held his hand out to her. Amara raised an eyebrow at him but took his hand nonetheless, getting up and not complaining as he held her close and started to dance with her. She leaned her head against his chest and sighed contently, the music seeming to fade as the only thing she focused on was him. 

That was all that she needed to focus on really. 

Him.


	16. Chapter 16

The music that was being played had changed three different times and yet... Azriel didn't let her go. They stayed in a comfortable silence, slowly swaying, his arm around her waist and his hand in hers. It was peaceful. Amara's head against his chest, her eyes closed, her heartbeat syncing with his. She would never openly admit it but if she could spend forever like this, she would. 

"I have to get going," Azriel whispered softly as he kissed the top of her head. It was the first thing that either of them had said in about an hour. He still didn't make any effort to let her go and leave though. If anything, he seemed to pull her closer. 

"What if I don't want you to?" She responded quietly, not moving away, not looking up at him. She feared that if she did then all of those feelings would bubble to the surface. She wasn't exactly sure if the two of them were ready for that yet. 

"That isn't really a reason to stay, Amara," he said softly. Yep, she definitely wasn't going to look at him. Feelings were not on the table. "You should head back anyway." 

Amara nodded lightly and sighed, running a hand through her hair as she did so. She stepped away from him and picked up the glass of wine that had been left on the grass. She then finally looked over at him. "Don't check on me anymore... please?" 

She wasn't sure if she'd imagined it but Amara was pretty sure that a frown had crossed Azriel's face before he managed to cover it up. There seemed to be a flicker of hurt down the bond but it was gone before she could be sure. He then nodded. "Notes only?" 

"Notes only." 

The two stood there for a second, or maybe it was a couple of minutes, Amara couldn't really be sure. Time never really seemed to exist when she was with him. Then she sipped her wine and left, knowing that if she stayed any longer then she would bare her soul to him. They'd gotten closer but their relationship wasn't at the point where she felt comfortable with that just yet. Honestly, she wasn't even sure if she could call what they had a relationship. 

When she got back to the festivities, the first thing that Amara noticed was that Feyre was dancing. She smiled slightly at the sight, glad to finally see the poor girl just let loose and be free. Sure maybe it wasn't the best idea considering she was mortal and everyone else around her was Fae but then she noticed Tamlin keeping an eye on her while he played his fiddle. 

He was absolutely smitten. Amara could see it in his eyes and the soft smile that he had on his face. She hadn't seen him smile like that in years, decades even. Smiles were rare at the Spring Court but maybe... just maybe, they could start coming back. 

Maybe Feyre could help them all learn to smile again. Help them learn how to be free and happy, uncaring of all the horrors they'd endured and been through. 

Then again... Amara had never wanted to smile in the Spring Court. Not since Rhys had dragged her for a vacation in the Night Court a century ago. That was when she'd met the other. She and Cassian got on a little too well and were nearly always found sneaking out of Rhys' parlour with various bottles of alcohol. She always made the blood deliveries for Amren and the two of them would spend the next few hours marvelling over jewels or bitching about random Fae, never anyone in particular. She would be seen walking through the streets of Velaris with Mor, shopping bags on each of their arms, slowly slipping things into Mor's baskets that would be better gifts than what she was previously planning to get people. She would be seen sitting on the balcony with Rhys, both of them revelling in the silence as they read a book, stopping occasionally to talk about the second hand embarrassment they were feeling from the characters. She would be seen sharing looks with Azriel whenever Cassian did something stupid, the two of them moving in sync almost like magnets. When he would move, so would she. 

Around them... she was happy. She smiled constantly. She would go to bed with her cheeks hurting from how much she had been smiling. 

But then there were the things she would do here. She would be found drinking hot chocolate in the parlour with Alis, gossiping about the other servants and talking about her nephews. She would be found sparring with Lucien or going on rides with him, both of them just loving the feeling of the wind in their while they rode and the sound of metal against metal as they sparred. They always challenged each other to everything. She would be found sitting in Tamlin's study, rambling on as she played the piano and he would lie on the couch listening to every word, reacting in the exact ways that he knew she would want him to. 

Amara had reasons to be happy in both the courts. She just only ever seemed to smile when she was in one of them. 

After all, smiles in the Spring Court were rare.


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of that night was a bit of a blur. Tamlin led Feyre away so to distract herself, Amara had taken over the music. She had sat down at the piano, playing songs that she had made up herself rather than any songs that people might have been expecting her to play, getting lost in the music with every chord. The majority of their people were shocked to even see her sat there again. Especially after the last time she'd played. 

Every single one of Amara's siblings had learnt a different instrument, her mother insisting on it despite her father's claims that it was unnecessary for his sons to bother. Then again, her mother had been almost stubborn as Amara herself so they had all learnt. Tamlin had picked the fiddle, claiming it was the easiest and quickest to carry around but Amara? She had picked the piano, loving the way that the keys felt against her fingers and the calm that settled over her the second that she sat down at the piano. It was easy. Comforting. Her mother had been ecstatic when she'd kept up with her training to play, her brothers either not doing it at all or doing it in secret so that they could continue to impress her father. 

That's what Amara had been doing when her family had died. She'd been playing the piano. She had been so lost in the music that she hadn't heard the sound of blood dripping to the floor from her brothers' fingers or the body of Rhys' father thudding to the floor. She hadn't smelt that metallic tang of blood in the air, covering the scent of the roses that were blooming outside in the gardens her mother had spent years tending to. 

Apparently Rhys had glamoured the room so that none of her playing could be heard, telling his father that she must be staying somewhere else. It hadn't mattered anyway, Tamlin had killed him before Rhys could properly convince him to leave Amara be. The second that they'd both become High Lords, Rhys had fled and the glamour had worn off. Tamlin had searched for his sister and the second he opened that door, the smell of blood had filled the room. 

Amara hadn't played since. 

That night, her dreams were plagued with nightmares and she'd tossed and turned, reliving that horrible night over and over again every single time that she closed her eyes. She was so exhausted come lunch time that she barely listened to the conversation that the others were having, though she knew she probably should have. 

She was dragged out of her thoughts when she heard an urgency in Tamlin's tone, noting how Lucien helped hide Feyre. She sighed and sipped her tea as she heard footsteps that she knew all too well. The last time that she had heard them had been on Fire Night and honestly she was doing just fine without having heard them in so long. Now all she could think about was him leaving footsteps of her mother's blood on the floors. 

Tamlin raised an eyebrow at his sister but she just shook her head to let him know she was okay. If Rhys actually was here then Tamlin had enough to worry about right now. She faded out of caring what was going on until she heard Lucien's voice and then her attention was dragged back to what was happening in front of her. 

"We were just having lunch," Tamlin told him, his voice cold. Amara always hated hearing that voice. It was even worse when it was directed at her which seemed to happen quite often. 

"Stimulating," Rhys purred, making Amara roll her eyes. 

"Why are you even here? Thought black didn't suit the Spring Court?" Amara asked with an amused smile on her face, ignoring the fact that Tamlin subtly kicked her under the table. 

"I wanted to check up on you. I wanted to see how you were faring. If you got my little present. I know Amara would have been fond of it," Rhys commented, not taking his eyes off of Tamlin so she knew that this conversation wasn't aimed at her until she was spoken to. 

"Your present was unnecessary," Tamlin told him calmly. 

"But a nice reminder of the fun days, wasn't it?" Rhys clicked his tongue as he surveyed the room, his gaze seeming to skip over Amara. "Almost half a century holed up in a country estate. I don't know how you managed it. But," he said, finally facing Tamlin again, "you're such a stubborn bastard that this must have seemed like a paradise compared to Under the Mountain. I suppose it is. I'm surprised though: forty-nine years, and no attempts to save yourself or your lands. Even now that things are getting interesting again." 

Amara's gaze shifted over to where Lucien was standing. Apparently Tamlin had glamoured Feyre against her as well which caused her to frown a bit. She was fully aware of the fact that Feyre was starting to mean a lot more to Tamlin than he let on. She wasn't entirely sure where Feyre stood on her relationship with Tamlin though. That was a mystery to them all. 

"There's nothing to be done," conceded Tamlin, his voice low which made Amara's gaze go back to her brother. She sipped her tea and sighed slightly, setting the cup back down on the table. 

She stopped paying attention after that. The three males in the room were just trading insults the whole time anyway and Amara was fully aware that Feyre was analysing nearly every second of this conversation. There was just something... insanely off about Rhys' behaviour. Almost like he was trying a little too hard to be what everyone expected him to be. Maybe there was a reason for that. All that Amara could think of as a reason was for it to spur Tamlin on, get him to move faster, to not give up. 

That was the only reason she could think of anyway. 

Amara was drawn out of her thoughts when she heard Tamlin's chair fall to the floor. She noticed his claws come out and she just rolled her eyes at the dramatics. Must be a High Lord thing. 

"I remember you," Rhys purred as he watched Feyre. "It seems like you ignored my warning to stay out of trouble." He then turned to Tamlin. "Who, pray tell, is your guest?" 

"My betrothed," Lucien answered quickly. A little too quickly but if Rhys noticed, he didn't say anything. 

"Oh? Here I was, thinking you still mourned your commoner lover after all these centuries," Rhys said, stalking towards Feyre. That was until Lucien spat at his feet and shoved his sword between the two of them. Amara cringed slightly , already knowing how this whole meeting was likely to end. 

Tamlin glanced over at his sister and nodded towards the door, silently asking her to leave. The claws digging in to the table made Amara stop herself from disobeying. After all, he wasn't her brother right now. 

He was a High Lord.


	18. Chapter 18

"He's sending her home." 

Amara looked up from her book to see Lucien leaning against her doorframe, his face unreadable. A frown made its way on to the female's face and she set the book down on her bedside table, tapping the spot beside her for Lucien to sit. Lucien sighed but sat down beside her anyway, never one to deny Amara of anything that she wanted. The two laid down together, Lucien wrapping his arms around her in a protective but comforting manner. 

"You had nightmares last night, didn't you?" He asked her quietly. He'd seen how shaky she had been at lunch, even before Rhys had shown up. He always noticed when something was off with her. Tamlin never did. At this point, Lucien was the only reason that Amara had even bothered to come back to the Spring Court when Rhys had shut off Velaris. Lucien was the one person that she could never leave behind. After everything that he had been through, she was the one constant in his entire life. They'd grown up as best friends and that friendship had only grown stronger over time. Lucien was the one reason that she ever bothered to come back to the Spring Court. 

Amara just shrugged. "They weren't that bad last night. I've had worse," she admitted. "Why is he sending her home?" 

"Rhys." 

That was the only answer she needed. Then again, she knew the answer before it even came out of Lucien's mouth. She sighed and cuddled up to him a bit more, just needing the comfort of knowing that somebody was there and holding her. She always seemed to sleep better when someone was holding her. 

"We just need a couple more days. She's close to saying it. I know she is," Amara said with a quiet sigh. 

"He's sending her back tomorrow. I've tried to convince him otherwise but he won't listen. He fell for her. He thinks he can keep her safe if he sends her back to the mortal world." 

"That's stupid." 

"Not really. If she doesn't say it in time then she'll be killed. If she goes back to the mortal world before the time is up then she won't get hurt. She won't suffer. She can live a long human life," Lucien pointed out softly as he fiddled with a piece of Amara's hair. 

"If she goes back to the mortal world then we won't have any idea of if she would have ever said it," Amara countered. 

"It seems like that is a risk we are going to have to make. I don't like it but it's something that we have to deal with." 

"Human hearts change a lot..."

"You sound like her," Lucien commented, cringing a little bit at the thought of the woman that had all of their lives in her horrible grasp. 

"Maybe she had a point... Maybe this entire situation was to prove something that we already knew deep down. None of us ever expected for Feyre to say it. In fact, none of us ever even expected for a human to walk these halls so why did we even bother trying?" 

"Because some things are worth trying."


	19. Chapter 19

Amara would never admit it but she'd grown quite attached to the poor little human girl. I mean, how could she not? There had been so many late nights of conversations, so many trips to the gardens so she could show Feyre that Fae magic wasn't as bad as she'd been told, and so many different times that Feyre had asked her opinion on her art work. It was hard to spend so much time with someone and not get attached. She was surprised that Tamlin had managed to get as attached as he had since the two hadn't spent all that much time together. 

Apparently the only love that had boundaries was her own. 

There wasn't much that had to be done in the way of packing Feyre's things. Amara and Lucien hadn't been able to sleep so they'd organised the travel and all of the things that Feyre would be taking back with her so that they could keep up the ruse of her having been away with a sick aunt. They hadn't spoken while they'd set up the carriage and they didn't disturb Feyre and Tamlin, who had spent the night with Feyre in her bed. 

They both knew what the other was thinking though. In fact, it was probably what everybody in the court apart from Feyre was currently thinking. They were thinking about three words that when separate didn't have much impact, but that said together could quite literally save lives. They were thinking about a human girl and a fae High Lord who hadn't started on the best terms but who had slowly started to warm up to each other. They were thinking about a deadline that would probably ruin their lives at this rate. A deadline that was so close. 

They were thinking that maybe she'll say it when she leaves. 

~~~~~~

The sun rose lazily that morning, almost as if it was any other day in the Spring Court. Almost like it wasn't the day that their lives could be over with the sound of a carriage door being closed. 

All Amara could think about was whether or not Feyre was finally going to say it. She knew Tamlin would if he hadn't already. He wouldn't want her to leave without telling her how he felt. Tamlin may be different to the brother that Amara once knew ever since he became High Lord, but there were still so many parts to him that she knew all too well. How he reacted to the women he loved was one of them. 

Yes, he had only started courting Feyre because of this stupid curse but that didn't mean that he hadn't fallen in love with her. That was the issue with love. It struck you in the weirdest situations and at the weirdest times. Hopefully, it had just so happened to strike Feyre as well and she was ready to say it. She needed to be ready to say it. 

Amara smiled sadly at Feyre when she saw her leave her bedroom for the last time. The two embraced and Amara rubbed the mortal girl's back gently. 

"I don't particularly like goodbyes," Feyre admitted quietly which made Amara chuckle. 

"Well, I have taken to saying 'see you soon' instead of goodbye. Has an air of mystery about it," Amara said with a shrug, pulling away and fixing a small piece of Feyre's hair. "Your outfit is absolutely dreadful though. I'm surprised we even had anything like it in the house." 

"Apparently it used to be yours," Feyre told her with a shrug. 

"Wait seriously? I don't even remember wearing it. Guess it's a good thing we still had them then. If I'd known I had it then I would have burnt it to a crisp," she said softly as she looked over at Feyre, trying to lighten the mood just a little. She then sighed softly and gave Feyre a small, sad smile. "See you soon, Feyre." 

"See you soon, Amara."


	20. Chapter 20

_~ Six months later ~_

Memories.

Amara hated that word. She always had.

But why? Memories are usually good things. People love remembering things. Some even search for their memories. They go to places and keep things purely for the memories attached to them and the flood of happy emotions that fills them when they remember.

Not Amara.

Amara's memories... they were horrible.

And she remembered them every time she looked at the scratches on her body.


	21. Chapter 21

One thing that is very rare to see in Spring Court fashion is to see somebody wearing long sleeves but lately that was all that Amara wore. Yes, it meant that she was overly warm at all hours of the day because of how much she made sure to cover her body with her clothing but she physically couldn't stand to look at her body or have anyone else look at it either.

If she stayed covered up, then no one could see them. If she stayed covered up, then she could forget the scratches existed.

The red marks covered nearly every single part of her body in dark, unhealing slashes. She'd tried everything that she could find, salves, tonics, her own healing powers, but nothing was working. They were constant reminders that she didn't need; her nightmares were enough to remind her of everything that had happened. She kept every single mirror in her room covered so that she didn't accidentally catch a glimpse of herself and the harsh strikes in her skin. She hadn't looked at them since coming back to the Spring Court and seeing them stand out in the bright spring sunshine; not unless she was washing and even then she made it quick while the tears fell in streams down her face.

Sometimes all that Amara wished was that Rhys would just hurry up and cash in on this stupid bargain. Not the one that he made with Feyre but the annoying one he'd made with Amara. All she needed right now was to get away and be able to sit in silence and cry without having to worry about keeping her image as the happy Spring Court Lady. Right now all that mattered was image and it was tearing her apart to try and keep hers intact.

The only issue was that she knew Feyre and Tamlin were hoping more than anything that Rhys would forget about the bargains. If Rhys forgot about Amara's then maybe he would forget about Feyre's as well. Maybe didn't have to deal with the Night Court anymore and the High Lord and future Lady of the Spring Court could get married and live their lives in peace while they tried to rebuild their home. The happy couple could ride off in to the sunset with horses provided by the Priestesses and love the rest of their eternal lives in the Spring Court, happy and completely oblivious to everything else going on in Prythian.

For Amara though, that sounded like the last thing that she could ever want. She _needed_ to get away. Everywhere she went in the Spring Court, looks of pity followed. She couldn't go anywhere without someone apologising, children turning away, someone crying because 'the beauty of our fair Lady has been tainted'. It was driving her insane.

She could cover the scratches that were on her body. She could do that with clothes and making sure that nothing was lacy or too see through. But the scratches on her face?

Those weren't going anywhere.

~~~

A soft sigh left Amara's lips as she glanced over at her covered window. She never kept the curtains open anymore, it just let the light in and the light showed the scars in the most painful of ways. It seemed to make her skin suddenly seem so pale and the red slashes so much brighter than she knew they actually were. It made them the most obvious part of her body.

It was late, she didn't need the curtains open to know that. She could hear the fluttering wings of the owls as they flew past her window and the quiet footsteps of the guards doing their rounds. She wasn't sure exactly how late it was but she didn't really care, choosing to pick up a piece of paper, light a candle and write a note to Azriel.

He replied instantly.

**_I can't sleep. ~ Am_ **

**Nightmares again? ~ Az**

**_More like trying not to sleep because of the nightmares. Everything just feels kind of suffocating right now. You think you can get Rhys to force me to follow this bargain? Because we both know that I am never going to be able to leave any other way._ **

**I can't promise anything, Amara, you know that. Besides, everyone is going through the aftermath of this. You can't be a baby and run away from it. You can't just run to a different court and ignore your brother for two months straight just to feel like everything is okay. Just suck it up like the rest of us.**

Amara didn't respond to that. She burnt the paper with the candle on her bedside table, tears silently falling down her face. Out of everybody in her life, he was the one that she'd wanted to be able to confide in the most.

Now she didn't even have that.

Maybe she just shouldn't have bothered with trying to talk to him about it. She shouldn't have bothered trying with anyone, she had already known that. That was why she hadn't reached out to anyone about how she was feeling until just now.

Now she just felt even more alone than ever.


	22. Chapter 22

Thoughts were such troublesome things. They could suffocate you or they could give you the air to breathe. They could distract you from everything around you or they could be background noise to what was going on.

Amara seemed to suffer from the first two instances in both of those statements. Her thoughts suffocated her and they also distracted her from literally everything. Like the 'very important' wedding planning committee meeting that she was currently in.

"Amara!"

Ianthe's shrill voice pierced through Amara's thoughts and she looked up from where she had been carving in to the table with the pen that she'd been holding to write down any notes that the annoying priestess wanted. She glanced from the table over at Ianthe who had an annoyed look on her face. Then again that was probably permanent, at least it was always on her face whenever Amara was around so maybe she didn't always look like that.

"That table is mahogany! And brand new!" Ianthe snapped, breaking the pencil that had previously been in her hand, looking down at the hole that Amara had apparently been digging in to the table.

"Oh please. It isn't like Tamlin hasn't ever broken one of these tables. I mean, we've had to get so many lately because of him," Amara pointed out as she set her pen down and took a sip from the glass of wine that had been placed in front of her. She then cringed. "This wine is disgusting by the way. It won't get anyone drunk at all."

"He is a High Lord! He pays for the tables if they break and it is far more excusable for him to break than you! He is a nobody!" Ianthe told her with a glare, her voice going up a few octaves. Her grip on the broken pencil tightened. "And the wine isn't to get anybody drunk!"

"Then everybody at this wedding is going to be miserable. Including the bride who should be sat here planning her own wedding."

Ianthe's hand was shaking before she let out a deep breath and set the broken pencil on the table in front of her, deciding to change the subject. "Now... what do you think about the wedding plans? I believe that you're more likely to know what they want for a wedding than I am."

"I think that Feyre would know what she wanted for her wedding. I also think that you're using this as the perfect opportunity for you to plan a wedding to a High Lord since you want to marry one but we both know that isn't happening. So if you annoy Feyre enough then she won't show up to these fun little meetings and you can plan your fantasy High Lord wedding. Who knows, maybe you'll find a way to make yourself the bride."

"Unfortunately for Amara, that was when her older brother finally walked in to check on the two blonde females that were currently standing in his office. Well, technically one was sitting down but that wasn't the point. The point was that Tamlin walked in to see a bored looking Amara, terrified house cleaners, and an Ianthe who looked like the vein in her forehead was about to pop.

"Amara, can I talk to you?" Tamlin asked her with a raised eyebrow, the sound of his voice causing Amara to look over at him while she brought her glass of wine to her lips.

"Are you asking as my High Lord or as my brother?"

"Your brother."

"Then no."

Tamlin shot Ianthe a look as Amara turned back around, the house cleaners leaving the room the second that they saw it. Ianthe, however, didn't leave but before she could object, Tamlin let out a growl which had her fleeing the room. She left the wedding details on the large mahogany table and Amara flicked pieces of scrunched up paper away from herself as Tamlin sat down beside her.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"I'm sorry, brother, I don't seem to know what you mean," Amara said innocently as she set her glass down in front of her.

"Amara, I'm being serious. What happened?"

"Why do you think that the person I would talk to about this would be you? If I was going to talk to anyone, which I'm not by the way, it would probably be Alis or Lucien. It would never be you," Amara growled at him, ignoring the sight of his claws that were starting to cut in to the table.

"What the hell happened to you down there?" He asked her, his gaze flicking to the scars that covered her face.

Amara downed the rest of her glass before she got up to leave. "Something I would rather forget."


	23. Chapter 23

As many people know, there are some things that can have someone running from their home. This can be in a bad way, as in someone's chasing them or they're terrified. It can also be in a great way, to go meet their lover or just to run to get that bubble of laughter that you can feel grow in your chest.

Amara knew all of this already. She experienced it the first time she saw Azriel during the Blight. She hadn't even hesitated to think when she'd seen that flash of blue. She'd just grabbed her coat and ran. There wasn't a reason to stop and think because what if he was there and she didn't show up in time? What if he left? What if it was actually him and he was going to whisk her away? Well as we all know, none of that happened but Amara had hoped. Amara always hoped.

That's why she didn't hesitate again when she saw and heard something else this time.

A flash of red.

A flutter of wings.

The sound of a laugh that she knew all too well.

Cauldron, she'd missed that laugh. She had missed it so much more than she ever thought it was possible to miss a sound. In fact, the last time she'd heard it, she'd wanted to punch the person that the sound belonged to. She hadn't wanted to be around him and his teasing so she'd left the room and now she was realising just how much you could miss the sound of someone's laugh. But even that didn't bring a smile to her face. She actually couldn't even remember the last time that she had actually smiled. A real, genuine smile anyway. All her smiles were fake lately to keep up the image that seemed to be so important.

That didn't change the fact that she got up and headed in the direction of the little clearing in the woods that she always met one of them near. She'd always known that she hadn't been crazy. That there had always been at least one of them checking up on her every now and again but they had never confirmed or denied it. This just confirmed everything that she already knew though.

When Amara got to Cassian, she noticed that his smile faltered a bit when he saw the state of her. It wasn't that she looked terrible, she looked great, but that was the problem. She looked too... perfect. Even the scars that lined her face seemed almost too immaculate. Some might have thought that she put them there herself and made sure not to scar herself in the most damning of ways. She looked almost like she was trying to make up for something that she felt like people didn't want to see. Cassian couldn't help but wonder whether Tamlin or any of the others had noticed the problems with how perfect Amara looked. He'd noticed instantly but he always noticed these things about her. It's hard to be someone's best friend for over half a century and not notice... so surely her brother, who had known her for all 263 years of Amara's life... surely he would have noticed?

"Az is worried about you," Cassian said lightly as he and Amara laid on the comfortable ground. Amara didn't respond so Cassian continued. "Apparently you haven't been replying to his notes."

"Well, apparently I need to grow up and get over myself so I didn't think he'd really want me to reply," Amara said quietly. "Besides, I don't really have much to talk about right now so I apologise but you might have wasted a trip."

"Well, personally, I would not find a trip here to see you a wasted trip." Amara was about to speak again but Cassian cut her off before she could. "Plus I mainly came here to drag you back to Velaris with me because Az won't stop moping and Mor needs her best drinking buddy back."

"I can't just leave. Feyre and Tamlin are getting married next week. He'll kill me if I leave."

"Well, Rhys told me to tell you that it's either you come willingly or I have to kidnap you so that you start living up to your part of the bargain."

"You aren't taking no for an answer are you?" Amara asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"No, not really. I thought this was what you wanted? For one of us to come get you?"

"It was... now I'm not really sure what I want."

"I think we both know what it is you really want," Cassia said softly as he looked over at her.

"If you say it, I will cry and I don't think I'll stop," she admitted quietly, still looking up at the sky. "So please don't say it."

Cassian nodded lightly and held her hand, lacing their fingers together. He smiled slightly when he realised she was wearing the ring he'd carved for her all those years ago as a fake engagement ring. Her father had wanted to marry her off but Amara hadn't wanted that. He couldn't marry her off if she was already engaged so Cassian had carved her a ring and they said they were engaged. Cassian had gladly taken that beating from Az over it but Amara didn't know that had happened. He'd just wanted Amara happy and Cassian would do anything to make that happen.

"Fine. I'll go willingly," Amara said softly in to the peaceful quiet that surrounded them. At least, it was peaceful to Cassian. It was suffocating to Amara. "But I need you to do one thing for me."

"Anything."

"I can't be left alone with Rhys."


	24. Chapter 24

One thing that Amara noticed while she sat on one of the many balconies attached to the House of Wind, was that she had really been hoping to have that feeling of comfort and safety. That feeling of home.

She used to feel it here. She felt it here more than she felt it anywhere else in Prythian. She occasionally felt it in Spring, depending on what was going on, how Tamlin was acting. Either way, Amara didn't feel at home in the Spring or the Night Courts anymore and she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that.

There wasn't really many reasons for this and honestly it was probably more to do with her than it was to do with the places and the people. Because the places were absolutely beautiful and Amara was fully aware of the fact that she used to be able to sit and look at these views for hours with a cup of hot cocoa in her hands as the sun set and day turned to night. And the people? The people always made sure she ate and she was okay. Cassian always brought her breakfast and helped her find clothes to cover her scars when she couldn't bring herself to look at them. Mor would always make sure that there was a book by Amara's bedside for her to read if she woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't ready to fall asleep again just yet. Amren even gave Amara a couple of necklaces and a pair of earrings that matched a couple of her outfits to help her feel as beautiful as possible. Rhys made sure that Amara saw him very little as was her wishes, knowing that it would just remind her of everything that happened to her Under the Mountain...

Everything that he had to do to her...

It wouldn't be fair to remind her of that and he knew that, so Rhys kept his distance. He only saw her when everyone was in the room but it was rare that Amara was in a room full of people anyway. She'd held it together for so long but it seemed like that facade was starting to crack.

But Azriel... what Azriel did, Amara had no idea about because anyone that had noticed had been sworn to secrecy. It honestly just felt like he'd forgotten that she'd existed and was trying to not see her. Little did she know was that there was a little piece of shadow twirling its way through her hair and letting him know how she was doing. It let him know when she had a nightmare so that he would be awake if she ever decided to go to him because of them. Not that he expected her to come to him after a nightmare but the option was there and that was what mattered. It let them know when she hadn't eaten so that he could send Cassian with some food even after Amara told Cass that she'd already eaten. It let him know that her body was covered in what looked like scratches, scratches that should have healed by now. They should have healed months ago. They should have healed seconds after they'd been made.

Amara shivered softly as a cold breeze blew over her on the balcony but that shiver didn't last long as she felt someone wrap a blanket around her. By the scent of the blanket, she already knew it was Cassian but she still looked over at him to make sure, a small smile making its way on to her face as he sat down beside her. It was a little bit forced, more to let him know that she was okay (which she obviously wasn't) than it was out of actual happiness.

"Don't need you freezing to death. I don't know how I'd feel about coming out here in the morning to see that," Cassian said in way of explanation, shrugging his shoulders as he looked away from Amara over to the view in front of them. "He's really worried about you."

"Are we ever going to have a conversation without you trying to get to me to talk to Az?" Amara asked him with a raised eyebrow, sipping her cup of hot cocoa as it continued to keep her hands warm. She was trying to fall back in to her old Velaris routine. This was a part of it. The balcony, the hot cocoa, the sunset.

"Well, see, I would but it wouldn't be fair because I keep hassling him about talking to you. And you know I'm all about fairness." Cassian then hesitated a moment before he added to his comment. "That and I have a lot of money on you making the first move to talk to him against Mor so it would be really great if I won this bet."

Amara rolled her eyes lightly but pulled the blanket Cassian had wrapped around her closer to her body as she shivered. The two stayed in a comfortable silence as they watched the lights in the town either slowly go out or glow brighter. Silence was something that Amara found herself in quite often but the silence was never comfortable.

Maybe she could start to feel at home here again. It was a long shot but it was worth hoping.

Home...

The word was starting to light a little bit of hope in her.

That was until she heard footsteps come out to the balcony. That was until she felt Cassian get up and leave. That was until she heard three simple words that when put in to a sentence could ruin everything, especially when it was in the voice of your mate.

"Can we talk?"

The hope fizzled out and it was almost like it hadn't been there in the first place. Hope was such a fickle thing. Gone in an instant.


	25. Chapter 25

Amara looked over at her mate, the one who had made her feel like things could be okay over the last five decades. The one who had promised her that no matter what happened, no matter what they were to each other, that he would always be there for her. The one that she believed had broken that promise but she couldn't have been more wrong.

She nodded lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "What's there to talk about?" She asked him quietly as he sat down beside her, making sure to leave a little bit of space between the two of them.

He always did that... but he hadn't during the Blight. In fact, during the Blight he'd held her. He'd danced with her. He'd let her cry in to his chest. He'd wrapped his wings around her... and then the Blight ended and he'd told her she was acting like a child. He'd made her feel worthless when he was the one that was supposed to make her feel like she was on top of the world.

"Quite a lot but there are only a couple of things that you'll actually talk to me about," Azriel admitted as he glanced over at her.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She asked with a raised eyebrow as she finally looked over at him.

That was when he properly saw it for the first time. Not the scars, he couldn't care less about the scars. The fear. The sadness. The... look of being lost. Everything that she was feeling but didn't want to admit out loud was hidden in her eyes.

"Well, actually the first thing is more that I need you to listen rather than answer a question," he admitted as he ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

"Then talk."

Azriel sighed and looked out at the view before he turned his attention back to Amara. Then again, his attention was always on Amara so he didn't really have to drag his attention away from the view and back to her.

"I know that something... something really bad happened to you while you were Under the Mountain. And I understand that maybe you don't want to talk about it, but I wanted you to at least know that no matter what time it is, whether it's the middle of the night or a century from now, I will always be here for you to talk to. Because you um... you didn't manage to shut your side of the bond, so I know how painful everything was for you down there but I have no idea what it was that happened. I'm just sorry that I couldn't be there to stop it and I'm sorry that you had to ever go through it in the first place. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and if there's anything that you need, let me know and I will get it for you."

Amara sighed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear slightly. She shook her head as she looked over at him, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. "Right now, the only thing that I need is to forget... to forget everything that happened... to be able to look at my body again and be able to look at the curves or the scars that actually have good memories attached to them... to be able to fall asleep at night without worrying about waking up screaming... but now... now, all I see are the scars that Rhys left there... now, all I have are these memories running through my mind whenever I close my eyes and I can't sleep because I just... I feel all of that pain all over again and I can never stop feeling it."

Amara was now shaking, tears falling down her face but she didn't care enough to wipe them away. Azriel did though, so he wiped them away carefully and pulled her close to him. He rubbed her back gently before he stiffened a bit at the feeling of the scars under her dress so he decided that it was best to just run his hand through her hair instead. He used to hate touching her... not because of how crazy it drove the bond or how much worse it made that ache in his chest. No, it wasn't because of that. It was because he didn't feel like he deserved to with how scarred his hands were. Things were different now though...

There were so many scars. It was like they littered every single part of her body. He wasn't sure if he would be able to ever not feel a scar wherever he touched her but to him, that was the last thing that mattered. He just knew it was something that mattered to her.

He was just going to have to prove that it didn't.

"So I guess what I'm asking is... can you help me forget?" Amara asked quietly.

"I can try."


	26. Chapter 26

_Dark..._

_Why was everything so dark?_

_She moved her hand in front of her face but she couldn't even see that. The only reason she knew that she had was because of the blinding pain that shot up her arm. She couldn't see anything, but maybe that was a blessing in disguise. Maybe she didn't want to see where she was or what it was like there. Maybe she'd be better off not seeing._

_But that smell... she couldn't ignore that smell. It left a foul taste in her mouth that she knew could only mean blood. She'd grown up around blood, of course she knew what the smell would taste like. Spring Court had been a bloodbath centuries ago. She tried not to think about it though. It always ended in her thinking about the fact that she used to have a little sister that no one talked about. A twin that had gotten caught up in the blood and the screaming and the pain and had been the horrible sacrifice that meant that the war in the court ended._

_But for the amount of pain that she was in, she could only assume that it was her blood that covered the floor and possibly the walls. She could feel the dried blood on her body; it cracked with every tiny movement she made. If she could move enough without all the shooting pain, she would probably be scratching away at the dried blood on her body._ _She'd be in a manic frenzy to get as much blood off of her as possible._

_But then again maybe she wouldn't... maybe she wouldn't have the time. Because next thing she knew, the only thing she could see was a glint of light_ _through a crack in what she was assuming was the door and then she saw it_ _shining off something metal._

_She never saw who it was. She never saw the knife before it slashed against her skin. All she could see was darkness... all she could hear were her own screams... and his voice... Rhys' voice..._

_"I'm so sorry..." and then another slash._

_~~~~~~_

Amara had another nightmare. Well, it wasn't really a nightmare, it was more of a memory. A memory that she wanted to keep locked away and not have to think about ever again. Unfortunately, memories don't work like that though.

But that wasn't the main thing that was bugging her right now. The main thing was that she was expected to stay at the Townhouse instead of the House of Wind so that Feyre had a friendly face around during her week away each month. That meant that not only was she stuck in a house with just Rhys and Feyre, but it also meant she had to act like she was perfectly okay since everyone wanted to focus on making sure Feyre got better.

Because apparently, no matter where she was, Feyre was always going to be the most important person around.

Feyre's arrival had been... eventful. Shoes were thrown, Mor's laughter was heard, Rhys shut himself away for the night and grumbled about the whole thing. Cassian had ended up dragging Amara for a walk through Velaris to distract her from the fact that she hadn't been at the wedding in the first place. It just would have been too many people to make believe that she was fine.

Now, Amara was stuck dealing with Rhys annoying Feyre through making her learn to read.

"Why are you the one teaching me? Why can't it be Amara?" Feyre complained, sending Amara a hopeful look. Apparently Feyre had believe that Amara was perfectly fine... just like everyone outside of the Night Court had.

"Because Amara doesn't know how to read either," Rhys said with a shrug, catching the book Amara threw at him.

"I do know how to read, you twat," she cursed at him before she grabbed a different book. "I'm just not patient enough to teach someone right now."

Rhys sent her an apologetic smile once Feyre was back to mumbling over the pieces of paper Rhys had set down in front of her. Amara just shook her head and turned her attention back to her book, where she saw a note in her favourite handwriting.

**_Need me to kill Rhys?_ **

_No, it's fine, don't worry about it._

**_Okay, well, I was actually just wondering how you're doing. Because I know Cass has been trying to drag you out to town but I know that probably isn't what you want right now. So I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight? Just us, I promise._ **

Amara chewed on her bottom lip and sighed. Before all of this, Az willingly wanting to hang out with her was the one thing that she had always wanted. But now she wasn't really sure. Her gaze flickered over at Rhys who nodded lightly at her. It would at least get her away from him and maybe the nightmares would stop if she didn't spend the night in the Townhouse. Maybe being away from Rhys as much as possible would help her sleep at night.

Maybe it would be a good idea. Maybe it would help her forget.

_Okay, fine. But there better be something to drink. No red wine though._

**_I'll come get you before dinner._ **


	27. Chapter 27

"This is going to sound really bitchy and possibly stupid but why are we here?"

"We are here because this is where I usually go when I need to get away from the group," Azriel told her as he sat down beside her near the small pond.

Amara nodded lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why are you suddenly being so nice to me? A month ago you told me I was acting childish and that I had to grow up, so why the sudden change?"

Azriel had been waiting for that question. He was surprised it had taken her this long to ask, he'd assumed she would ask that night on the balcony, or maybe when he had been by her side the next morning after she had another nightmare. He had gone to her though which meant she hadn't trusted him enough to come to him. Azriel assumed she just needed the comfort and that was why she hadn't pushed him away. He'd been waiting for this question and yet he still didn't really have an answer. He'd intended to just leave her be and let her get through this alone, like he believed that she'd wanted, but then he'd heard her screaming in the night and he'd seen her leave the room whenever there was any sort of dark liquid brought in.

"I couldn't just sit by and watch you suffer," Azriel admitted as he looked over at her. "At first I thought that maybe this was something that you needed to get through on your own; that you were being coddled and babied by your brother. I didn't realise how bad it was until your first night here. And I will always be sorry that I haven't been there for you these last three months because I should have been. I should have showed up when you asked me to but I didn't and you suffered way more than you should have in that time and I will always regret that."

"You know, people keep telling me that they're sorry there isn't more that they can do. They say that they're sorry they weren't there to stop it or that they didn't know that it was as bad as I said it was. I'm getting kind of sick of hearing that when the second that Feyre got here, all that anybody wanted to do was help her and make sure that she was okay and that she was getting everything she needs. Apparently, no matter what court we're in, Feyre is the one that matters the most," Amara said with a sigh. "So, I would really appreciate it if you stopped apologising because apologies don't change anything. They're just empty words. I can't heal or do anything with empty words."

Azriel looked over at her and sighed. "Then what is it that you do need?"

"I don't know," she admitted as she looked over at the pond, a frown making its way on to her face. "The waterlilies are dying..."

Azriel followed her eyeline and nodded when he saw that she was right. "Yeah... I guess they are..."

Amara leaned forward and carefully cupped the closest waterlily to them, letting out a shaky breath slowly as her eyes fluttered shut. She didn't have to concentrate as hard now to use her powers to revive the waterlilies but she felt more at peace when her eyes were closed. It helped her feel the flowers actually reviving and going back to normal... it gave her hope that maybe she could be revived like them.

It helped her believe that she could be her old self again.

Azriel watched her and noticed that when she opened her eyes again, they didn't light up like they used whenever he saw her do this before. "You aren't broken, you know? Just maybe a little lost."

"Maybe not, but I'm not me. Not anymore..."

"Maybe not completely. But there are still parts of you left. You just need to learn who the new you is."

She was silent for a bit, her eyes on the pond, before she looked over at Azriel again. "What if I don't like who it is?" Amara asked him quietly.

"Well, that's the beauty of it. You have control over who you become."


	28. Chapter 28

"How was your day?" 

Amara jumped as she made her way in to her room, hearing that voice and nothing else. She glanced over to where she saw Rhys and ran a hand through her hair. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be left alone in a room with him right now.

She was still rather shaken up from the nightmare that she'd woken up from that morning. It was always the same thing, her sobbing, blood pouring down her body, constant agony, the sound of Rhys apologising. It hadn't taken long for Azriel to notice she needed to get away from everyone for the day so they once again found themselves sat by the pond, enjoying the sunshine. They had sat in a comfortable silence the entire day, Amara making different things grow or soothing the needs of different plants in the area, but the sun had started to set so Azriel had walked her back to the Townhouse since it was quite close by. 

Now Amara was stuck with Rhys in her room. 

"I really need you to go," Amara said shakily, unable to meet Rhys' eye. She opened the door again for him to leave but Rhys didn't budge. 

"Amara, we have to talk about this," Rhys said softly, a slight hint of sadness in his voice but Amara ignored it. 

"No, we don't. Rhys, I can't do this and you know that. If I ever did feel like I needed to talk to you about this then I would do it but I don't and you can't just ambush me in my bedroom." 

"What do you have against Feyre?" Rhys asked Amara with a slight tilt of his head. He hadn't been oblivious to how Amara had been whenever Feyre was in the room or how relieved she seemed to be whenever Feyre was back in the Spring Court. 

Amara rolled her eyes and started to take her necklace off, setting it in her jewellery box. "I don't have anything against, Feyre. She's a sweet girl and I'm glad that her coming here is helping her. She deserves it. She's been through a lot." 

"You're right, she has. She doesn't need to deal with her friend treating her terribly." 

"I'm not treating her terribly." 

"Well you aren't exactly treating her nicely. She's worried you hate her for not marrying your brother. You should talk to her about it in the morning," Rhys said and started to leave. 

"And how exactly am I supposed to do that when she's currently in the Spring Court?" Amara asked with a raised eyebrow, trying to ignore everything that Rhys had just said. It would only make her anger towards the girl even worse. 

"Oh, right, I forgot you hadn't heard. Your brother locked her up. She had a panic attack so Mor and I went to get her. She's staying here for as long as she pleases now," Rhys stated simply. "We're having dinner at the House of Wind tomorrow. You're invited. Not necessary to attend though I suggest you do. Feyre needs people she can trust around her right now. For some reason you're still one of those people to her despite how you've been treating her. You need to start thinking about what she needs. What's best for her so that she can heal." 

"Right... because I don't need to heal either? Or have the scars on my face become invisible to you now?" Amara countered harshly, causing Rhys to shrug and leave the room. 

Amara sighed and leaned against her dresser. She knew that her anger towards Feyre was misdirected. It wasn't Feyre that she was mad at. It was Rhys and Tamlin and everyone else that acted like Amara was completely fine and not completely broken. Yes, Amara was well aware that Feyre had gone through a lot Under the Mountain, but she hadn't been the only one. Everyone had gone through something Under the Mountain and Feyre wasn't the only one that still needed to heal from it. 

Amara started to scratch at one of the marks on her hand, barely even realising that she had been doing it until she cut herself on one of the splinters that had been stuck in there. She sighed in relief as the splinter caught in her finger and out of her arm, pulling it out and throwing it on to the fire. Almost instantly, that small piece of the scar started to heal and Amara got tears in her eyes. It wasn't completely gone, there was still a little pink scar, but it was no longer blood red and that was a start. There was hope that they could lessen. That they wouldn't be so obvious and Amara was terrified to rely on that hope. 

Yes, Feyre had also gone through a lot Under the Mountain and yes, her mind still had to heal and process all of the trauma that she went through. Amara's body still had to heal though... her mind and her body were shattered and broken and she needed to heal. 

She didn't want people to stop helping Feyre or knowing what it was that Feyre needed the most to heal. Amara just wished that she had the same kind of thing.


	29. Chapter 29

Dinner parties never really were Amara's thing. They always seemed far too formal for her liking and the glasses were always crystal which meant you could see the dark red wine inside of it. Thankfully for this one, Rhys had gone with the black wine glasses instead and had made sure that Feyre's glass would always be filled with white wine rather than red. Amara still got stuck with red wine though but Azriel noticed when he walked past the table. He quickly switched it out before she had the chance to see it and made his way to the front room where everyone else was. 

Amara had a book in her lap but she wasn't really reading it, more looking out the window and watching the day turn to night. The light in the sky went down but the lights in the city started to glow almost instantly. Azriel noticed the small smile on Amara's face but the little light in her eyes didn't appear like it normally did. She was delicately thumbing a page in her book and he couldn't be sure whether she had actually read that far or just turned pages to make it look like she'd been reading it so people didn't ask her about her thoughts. 

There was one thing that had always drawn Azriel to Amara and it wasn't the mating bond. He had gotten pretty good at ignoring the tug and ache that the mating bond provided. The one thing that had always drawn Azriel to Amara was the little light in her eyes that always seemed to be there no matter what. Obviously, that light had disappeared since everything had happened with Amarantha but he was determined to see that light in her eyes again one day. He didn't care if it would be the next day, next month or the next century. He would make sure that it appeared again. 

She didn't look up from the view even as Rhys and Feyre arrived or even when Cassian started laughing. She did look up when Amren came over and handed her a glass of white wine with one of her rare smiles though, setting her book down and getting up as she took the glass. Amara was one of the few people who didn't have a fight or flight instinct when it came to Amren. The two had instantly bonded over books and jewellery and maps and Amara could actually quite often be found sat drinking with Amren in her small apartment. 

"It suits you, Amren," Rhys commented about the brooch he'd bought her and given to her earlier that day. 

"You say that like everything doesn't suit her," Amara pointed out as she sat down beside Cassian, sipping her wine. 

Cassian wrapped an arm around Amara's shoulders and kissed her temple in a friendly manner, choosing to ignore the little piece of shadow that swirled through her hair. It actually looked like Amara had been using it to hold her hair up until the shadow moved away and swirled around her wrist instead. She raised an eyebrow at Azriel who avoided her gaze and turned her attention back to the conversation when Cassian spoke again. Any conversation with Amren and Cassian involved usually needed something to fix it. 

"Please just get to the point, Amren. I'm hungry," Cassian complained. 

Mor choked on her wine and Amara raised an eyebrow at the man with his arm around her. Amren turned her attention to Cassian and Azriel started to monitor both of them to make sure nothing _too_ bad happened. "No one warming your bed right now, Cassian? It must be _so_ hard to be an Illyrian and have no thoughts in your head save for those about your favourite part." 

"You know I am always happy to tangle in the sheets with you Amren," Cassian said, completely and utterly unfazed by the malicious intent in Amren's silver eyes. "I know how much you enjoy Illyrian-" 

"Miryam," Rhys said as Amren's smile grey more troublesome," and Drakon are doing well, as far as I've heard. And what, exactly, is interesting?" 

Amren's head tilted a little as she started to study Feyre so Amara decided to step in. "Amren, dear, you're freaking the poor girl out. Maybe just say what you mean?" She suggested softly, noting how the shadow around her wrist tightened just a little. 

_"It's almost like you want to piss her off,"_ Azriel commented down the bond, the shadow swirling around her wine glass now. 

_"Well, Amren never gets pissed at me so sometimes I like to see how far I can push her. She's less likely to kill me than she is Cass,"_ Amara pointed out down the bond. 

Azriel and Amren were sat between Amara and Rhys, almost as a sort of buffer. Cassian was on her other side and leaned over her to grab Amren's plate and pour half of it on to his own before handing it to Azriel afterwards. Azriel just sighed and took the plate, glancing at Amara who he couldn't really get a read on that night. He couldn't tell if she was genuinely doing okay tonight or if it was all an act. She was right, she was getting a lot better at pretending to be fine. 

"You don't - eat?" Feyre asked, the first words that she had actually spoken since anyone she had sat down. 

Amren sent her a grin, showing off her unnervingly white teeth. "Not this sort of food." 

"Cauldron boil me," Mor said, gulping from her wine. "Can we _not_?" 

"If we keep talking about this, I'm going to lose my appetite," Amara commented with a roll of her eyes, wiping a drop of wine off her nose that Cassian had put there when she had been talking. She scrunched her nose a bit and shot him a look which had Feyre raising an eyebrow at the two of them. 

"Are you two... together?" 

Amara choked on her wine and her eyes widened as she looked over at Feyre. "Oh Cauldron, no!" 

"Way to sound offended!" Cassian said as he looked over at her. "I'm a catch." 

"A catch for diseases," Amren countered, making Cassian send her a look. 

Amara rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Feyre. "Me dating Cassian would be like if I was dating Lucien. We're close but he's basically my brother so it would be way too weird." 

"I still think I'm a catch," Cassian said with a shrug of his shoulders as he continued eating. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." 

"I bet I could help you sleep at night," Cassian commented with a smirk before Amara punched him in the shoulder. 

Rhys chuckled from beside Feyre and shook his head lightly. "Remind me to have family dinners more often." 


	30. Chapter 30

Azriel had been so caught up in trying to find out if Amara was actually okay that he hadn't noticed Feyre's gaze flicking to his siphons every now and again. Well, that was a bit of a lie, he was able to pay attention to both at the same time but he had been putting more focus on to Amara than anything else that was going on around him. He had been taking in everyone's movements and changes in body language since the moment that he had stepped foot in to the house again, he just had been paying more attention to Amara's movements than anybody else's. 

When it finally broke through to him that Feyre had been looking at his siphons, he moved the piece of shadow that was around Amara's wrist back to her hair and held his two hands up to help Feyre get a better look. "They're called Siphons. They concentrate and focus our power in battle." 

Thankfully, Rhys came to the rescue a bit to help clarify everything when Feyre's gaze flickered to the ones that were on Cassian's hands. Cassian, however, wasn't paying attention because he was too busy trying to steal Amara's glass of wine without her noticing since Mor refused to hand him the bottle. 

Rhys set down his fork and turned to Feyre a bit more. "The power of stronger Illyrians tends towards 'incinerate now, ask questions later.' They have little magical gifts beyond that - the killing power." 

"The gift of violent, warmongering people," Amren added. The shadows around Azriel darkened slightly as he nodded in agreement with Amren's statement. Amara kicked Cassian in the shin for the look that he sent Azriel's way. 

Rhys continued, subtly keeping an eye on both Azriel and Cassian, "The Illyrians bred the power to give them advantage in battle, yes. The Siphons filter that raw power and allow Cassian and Azriel to transform it in to something more subtle and varied - into shields and weapons, arrows and spears. Imagine the difference between hurling a bucket of paint against the wall and using a brush. The Siphons allow for the magic to be nimble, precise on the battlefield - when its natural state lends itself toward something far messier and unrefined, and potentially dangerous when you're fighting in tight quarters." 

Cassian flexed his fingers, admiring the red stones adorning the backs of his own hands. Amara rolled her eyes at his next words. "Doesn't hurt that they also look damn good." 

"Illyrians," Amren muttered which put a slight smile on Amara's face. 

Amara was sipping her wine and swirling the small piece of shadow that was always around her between her fingers when Feyre spoke again... and what Feyre said next was one of the worst things that Amara had ever heard in her entire life. 

"How did you - I mean, how do you and Lord Cassian-" 

Cassian spewed his wine across the table, causing Mor to leap up and swear at him while she used a napkin to wipe it off her dress. Amara choked on her wine and had to have Amren clap her on the back so she would stop choking. Amara wiped away a couple of tears from her eyes as the piece of shadow wiped one away from her cheek. 

"Those two words together are the worst things I've ever heard. Can you imagine Cassian as a Lord?" Amara asked with a soft laugh, pouring herself a new glass of white wine. She kept her gaze away from Cassian so that she couldn't see the wine that was now on his leathers since Mor had transferred it there from her dress with a flick of her wrist. If she looked too long then it would start to look like blood. 

"Cassian," Rhys drawled, "is not a lord. Though I'm sure that he appreciates you thinking that he is." His eyes shifted over his inner circle as Amara set the now empty bottle of wine back on to the table. "While we're on the subject, neither is Azriel. Nor Amren. Mor, believe it or not, is the only Night Court pure-blooded, titled person in this room. Amara's title comes from the Spring Court of course, which I'm sure you already knew." Feyre's look turned quizzical so Rhys quickly added. "I'm half-Illyrian. As good as a bastard where the thoroughbred High Fae are concerned." 

"So you - you three aren't High Fae?" Feyre asked him, glancing at both Azriel and Cassian as well. Azriel was raising an eyebrow at Amara who sent him a slight smile, the best she could muster while seeing the wine stains on the white table cloth near her leg. 

Cassian finally calmed down with his howling laughter long enough to answer Feyre's question. "Illyrians are certainly not High Fae. And glad of it." He hooked his black hair behind his round ear to prove it, moving Amara's blonde hair behind her pointed one to further prove his point. She swatted his hand away and moved her hair back in to place. "And we're not lesser faeries, though some try to call us that. We're just - Illyrians. Considered expendable aerial cavalry for the Night Court at the best of times, mindless soldier grunts at the worst." 

"Which is most of the time," Azriel clarified. 

"I didn't see you Under the Mountain," Feyre said softly. 

The room went silent... 

Silent was not good. Silent took her back there. Amara's glass froze an inch from her lips and she set it back down with a slight clearing of her throat. She set her glass back down and felt a couple of extra shadows reach out and twirl through her hair. Letting out a shaky breath, she stood and leaned her hands against the cold wood table. 

"I um... I'm going to go get more wine. I can't stand red," she mumbled before she quickly fled the room to the kitchen. 

She leaned against the kitchen counter as she took in a shaky breath. She closed her eyes to try and help calm herself down but that was a mistake. Then all she saw was a flash of a knife and she could have sworn that she heard someone screaming. 

She'd been acting like she was fine all evening and she had been so hopeful that it had been true; that she actually was healing. That scar had stopped being a scab and it wasn't red and glaring... it was soft and pink and new and it was healing. She had thought that had meant that the rest of her was healing too, that she just had to find the splinters and everything would be okay. 

Now she wasn't so sure.


	31. Chapter 31

Amara walked back in to the room with a bottle of white wine in her hand to see Rhys misting a lemon. She rolled her eyes and sat in the seat that had been previously occupied by Amren. Their glasses had been switched around, Amren taking Amara's seat, so that Amara and Azriel were sat beside each other.

 _"What are we talking about?"_ Amara asked Azriel down the bond, pouring herself another glass of wine as Cassian rubbed small circles on her wrist to let her know it was all okay.

 _"How we met. Are you okay? Do you need a minute?"_ Azriel asked her softly, running a hand through his hair as five different strands of shadow reached out to her to join the other three that were already there swirling through her hair.

 _"I'm fine,"_ Amara lied but she knew Azriel wasn't likely to push her any further in front of everyone. She finally turned her attention back to the conversation that was taking place at the table.

"My father and mother, despite being mates, were wrong for each other," Rhys started, but Amara decided that she wasn't actually going to listen to the story. She pretty much knew it all by heart anyway.

Instead, her thoughts drifted and she felt a piece of shadow twining around her wrist and in between her bracelet and her skin. She thought about that sentence... about mates not necessarily being right for each other. She would never admit it out loud but it kind of struck a nerve for her. Maybe that was part of her situation.

Amara's gaze shifted to Azriel a bit and she couldn't help but wonder if that was why he had never wanted to bring up the mating bond that so obviously tied the two of them together. He had never once brought it up. He had never said the word. Up until recently he hadn't even looked at her, let alone spoken to her. She had been so surprised when she had seen his handwriting on that note all those months ago and now here she was, sat beside him with him making sure that she was okay. Him coming to her room to comfort her whenever she woke up from a nightmare or whenever she felt like she just couldn't be alone.

So what was it about her that made him not want to talk about the bond? Was it really that horrible to be mated to her?

She guessed it made sense. She was damaged, broken, unhealing. She wouldn't want to be mated to herself either. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience so far. She was on the edge of crying constantly and she was pretty sure that everyone was close to kicking her out so that they didn't have to hear her sobbing when she woke up. She wasn't even pretty anymore. Scars covered every inch of her body and it wasn't like she could easily fix them. Even if she got the splinters out they would still be there so what was the point in bothering?

Amara glanced over at Azriel as she sipped her glass of wine, completely oblivious to the entire conversation around her. She excused herself from the table and made her way out to the balcony, taking her glass with her. She just needed to be alone for a minute or two. She sighed softly and ran a hand through her hair, trying to muddle through her thoughts. There had to be a reason. There just had to be a reason that he had never wanted to acknowledge the bond.

There was always a reason for everything so what the hell was the reason for that decision?

Was it really just because it was her? Maybe he would have been happier with someone else as his mate. That was the thought that kept coming back to her mind. That it was purely because she was the one that was his mate. If it had been literally anybody else then he probably would have been a lot happier and the two would be extremely content in their lives together. Maybe the two of them just weren't as made for each other as the Cauldron seemed to think they were.

 _"Are you sure you're okay?"_ Azriel asked Amara softly down the bond, making her jump a little since she hadn't been expecting it.

_"I honestly don't know how to answer that question anymore. I just have a lot on my mind."_

_"Do you want to talk about it?"_

Amara hesitated. He'd asked her that a lot in this past year. He'd asked in the notes, whenever he had snuck in to see her at the Spring Court, when they had talked on the balcony or by the pond. He was constantly asking her if she wanted to talk about what wrong and she always said no. Why didn't she just ask him that? Well, maybe because she assumed he would offer the information and his thoughts when he felt ready to. She wasn't going to force him to talk about something he didn't want to... but this was going to have to be an exception.

 _"Can we talk about it later?"_ She asked him softly as she leaned against the balcony railing.

_"Of course. Anywhere specific that you want to?"_

_"The pond?"_

_"I'll meet you there after dinner."_


	32. Chapter 32

"Of course he's taking her to the bloody prison." 

Azriel raised an eyebrow at Amara as the two of them walked through the streets of Velaris in the direction of the little pond and the clearing. He'd quickly filled her in on everything that she had missed after leaving the dinner and her reaction had not been what he had expected. He had known that Amara and Feyre had once been close and that things were slightly tense between the two of them so he hadn't really expected the slightly protective side of Amara to shine through once she was told that Feyre and Rhys were going to see the Bone Carver in a few days. He had never expected her to stop for a second before punching the closest wall. 

She groaned lightly and shook her hand as if that would make the pain go away. "Ow," she mumbled as Azriel took her hand in his and started to pick the pieces of gravel out of it. 

"I thought Cassian was teaching you to fight?" He asked her softly as he gently held her hand. 

"Yeah, he is, but he does it at like four in the morning. Who the hell gets up at four in the morning?" She asked with a roll of her eyes. She then noticed his raised eyebrow at her question. "You practically don't sleep. You don't count." She then stopped for a second and frowned. "Why do you never sleep?" 

Azriel finally looked up from their hands and over at her. He wasn't sure if he could tell her the real reason that he stayed awake all night and day. It wasn't because of his job and it wasn't because he just wasn't tired. Instead of answering the question, Azriel decided to change the subject. 

"Come on. If we stay around any longer then the chances of us getting kidnapped for drinks by Mor increases," he said softly as he led her down to the pond and the clearing again. 

If she had been planning to just sit in silence with him, Amara probably would have gone off with Mor so that she could have a blissful, alcohol induced sleep for that night. It would mean she wouldn't have to deal with any of her nightmares and she would probably actually get a proper nights sleep. That wasn't the plan though. The plan was to finally get him to talk to her about this bond that was between them and this time she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Amren hadn't smacked her over the head with a book for no reason, after all. She'd threatened a hardback next time. 

Amara nodded lightly and followed him down to the clearing, sighing contently when she saw the pond and the water lilies. There was just something about this clearing that made her feel... at peace. Maybe it was the fact that she was the only person that he'd shared it with or the fact that she knew the two of them could come here and just stay in a comfortable silence but the fact remained that she always felt like everything was okay when they were here. 

Which was exactly why she thought that this was the perfect spot for them to finally talk about this. 

The pair sat down where they normally did, Amara by the pond and dipping her hand in so she could use her powers to revive and soothe any of the plants around them as well as grow a few new ones, and Azriel sat not too far away watching her. He always loved her powers. He spent so much time taking life away or harming it that it was comforting to see how life could be brought back or healed. He just kind of wished that she could see her powers that way as well. Her entire life it had been seen as a hinderance for everything that she wanted, something that she had to hide. 

Amara let out a shaky breath as she ran her finger tip along the edge of one of the petals, looking down at the ripples in the pond. "Can we talk about something important?" 

"Of course we can," Azriel said softly as he turned his attention back to her and away from the lily. He couldn't help but hope that it was the nightmares that she wanted to talk about. Then he could tell her the real reason that he stayed up at night. 

"It's um... it's about something that we probably should have talked about a really long time ago..." 

Nope, it was worse. It was so much worse. 

"It's about the mating bond." 

Azriel felt his whole world collapse. He wasn't ready to talk about this. He couldn't talk about this, not yet... 

But then the look on her face... she needed this. He could tell that she really needed to talk about this... 

So he sucked it up... and he put on a mask to hide his fear of what it was that she was going to say and he said six simple words: 

"What do you want to know?"


	33. Chapter 33

Amara hadn't really expected to get this far in to the conversation. She'd fully expected him to shut her down and tell her that he didn't want to talk about it. The fact that he hadn't meant that she was already further in to the conversation than she had originally planned to be and now she felt like she was going to be sick. She quickly turned her gaze away from him and back to the water lilies that floated on the top of the small pond. 

"I just... it's been almost two centuries and I guess I wanted to know why you never wanted to talk to me about it..." she admitted, pushing one of the lilies further in to the centre of the pond. 

Azriel looked at her softly and sighed before he laid back against the soft grass. "It's a bit complicated." 

"If you don't want to-"

"No, we should talk about it. Like you said, it's been almost two centuries." 

Amara nodded lightly and went quiet, deciding that it was probably best to let him answer the question in his own time. An uncomfortable silence surrounded the pair as Azriel mulled over the best way to answer this question and Amara waited for the answer. She'd been waiting for centuries so a few more minutes wasn't that much of a long wait. The only issue was that this was the first awkward silence that they had ever found themselves in, especially in this little clearing. Everything beside the pond had always been so certain and comforting but now it was filled by awkwardness and insecurities. Amara started to wish that she'd picked somewhere else for them to have this conversation. 

"I guess I just didn't feel like I deserved to be the mate to the Lady of the Spring Court. You seemed so... innocent and perfect and... good, I guess is the word I'm looking for. I can't really think of another one," Azriel admitted softly, finally sitting up and looking over at her. "I didn't want to take that away from you. I didn't want to..." A soft sigh. "I didn't want to ruin you by introducing the darkness in to your life." 

Almost as if proving his point, the shadows seemed to extend towards her, a couple swirling through her hair, one around her waist and one rest around her wrist. They were doing exactly what they had always done. Reporting back to him. Letting him know everything about her that he couldn't see from just looking at her. Telling him that her heartbeat was steady but her breathing was a little shaky. That she was tense but also relaxed at the same time. Telling him that she needed to hear more... so he continued. 

"And your skin... it was so perfect... so unflawed... It didn't feel like I deserved to touch you with my hands so scarred and I knew that if I was around you too much then I would give in and you'd be disgusted. I've come to terms with the scars but people get... judgemental and uncomfortable around them and that gets even worse whenever I touch them. I didn't want you to be one of those people so I stayed away. That way I would never have to deal with you being repulsed by me." 

Amara looked over at him softly, moving her hand back in her lap and away from the water lilies. "I never was... actually, you have no idea how often I just wished that you would just reach across the table and take my hand," Amara said softly, fiddling with a ring that she wore on her finger. A ring that he'd given her one year for Solstice. Not the Winter one... the Summer one. He'd specifically gone to the Spring Court just to give it to her. "Or how often I hoped you'd walk close enough so I could feel your hand brush against my arm or for you to hold my face while you looked down to me and told me that you cared about me."

Azriel looked at her softly and a small smile made its way on to his face. "You never said anything." 

"I was waiting for you to do it. I didn't know if it was something that I'd done so I waited for you to say or do something... I didn't want to possibly make things worse between us," Amara told him honestly. 

"You didn't do anything wrong. I just... I needed time. Granted, two centuries is a long amount of time but I needed it." 

"I um... I'm not saying this to make you feel bad but it kind of made me feel like I couldn't be loved..." Amara admitted quietly. "Tamlin had just shut me out because of what happened with our families and then Lucien wasn't talking to anyone because he had just been kicked out of his court... and then I came here and the bond snapped and you fled the room and didn't talk to me for like thirty years... I thought maybe I just couldn't be loved and that there was something wrong with me that made people not want to be around me." 

Azriel looked at her softly and carefully placed his hand over hers. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're probably one of the easiest people I know to love and I'm so sorry that I didn't make you feel that way." 

"Then there's the thing with Mor..." 

"There is no thing with Mor. There stopped being a thing with Mor quite awhile ago. About when our notes started and I realised that there was a lot more to you than I thought there was. That the light that seemed to follow you everywhere was actually just blinding people so that they didn't see the darkness hidden underneath." 

"Took you awhile to see through it though." 

"I lived in darkness for a really long time. The light scared me so I never tried to see past it but... I know darkness when I see it, Amara. Sometimes people just get tricked in to believing the darkness was gone and I think because you were trying to make yourself believe it, I did as well. So I thought I wasn't worthy of you... but then the notes started and I saw that you needed someone and that you were so much more than the sweet, innocent girl that I'd first met. I'll admit, the darkness drew me in but the light is what made me stay." 

"You didn't exactly stay, Az. You still distanced yourself the entire time since I got here. Or ignored me. Or even... even left the room when I walked in," Amara pointed out quietly. She wasn't trying to ruin this. She just needed answers. 

"Earlier, you asked me why I don't sleep. I tried to come up with a reason that wouldn't scare you away or make you feel... I don't know, obligated to come to me but I stay awake so that if you needed someone after a nightmare then you could come to me. I just wanted you to know that there was someone there for you, whether you wanted me to be your mate or not. So that you knew that there was someone you could turn to no matter what time it was and that you didn't have to be alone through all of this. Because you don't have to be alone, Amara. You never had to be." 

"Why do you suddenly care so much?" 

"Because you keep acting like you're not hiding how you feel and like I can't live without you and like you don't need anybody to be by your side. But I am by your side!" Azriel pointed out, causing Amara to freeze up. "Because you're my mate and I love you."

Amara went to say something, but she couldn't speak so her mouth just shut again. Azriel moved slightly closer and hesitated before he cupped her cheek, looking down at her. She leaned in to his touch and looked up at him, letting out a shaky breath.

"I'm probably going to kiss you now," he whispered softly in to the silence that surrounded them, subtly asking her permission.

Amara nodded lightly, her gaze flickering to his lips before back to his eyes. "You should um... you should definitely do that..."

So he did and it was everything that both of them had dreamed.


	34. Chapter 34

Darkness?

Yeah, you could argue that she had quite a bit of that in her life now. Darkness from the shadows he kept around her. Darkness from her nightmares. Darkness basically seeped out of her scars at this point. It consumed her life and it sometimes made her lose her way. Sometimes the darkness was all she knew. She couldn't remember the light... not the light that had been a part of her.

It wasn't that she invited the darkness in, that wasn't the case. It had just been such a part of her life for the half a century that she hadn't even realised it was there until he'd pointed it out. There was only one kind of darkness she was willing to invite in to her life though...

And that was him.

It wasn't that he was made up of darkness like she was but she understood what he meant about not wanting to invite it in to her life when she had been so full of light. Things were different now though and she was more than happy to accept his darkness in to her life... because this... this was a darkness that she was choosing to have. 

Which is why she was now stood, knocking on Azriel's door and shaking from the nightmare that she had just woken up with. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she waited for him to open the door. It didn't take long though and when he saw her, Azriel carefully picked her up and carried her over to the bed. He sat down with her and waited for her to speak, knowing that she probably wouldn't want to talk about it. 

"If I tell you what happened... I... I need you to promise me that you won't say anything or react until I'm done. Or I don't think that I will get through the whole thing," Amara told him honestly and quietly. 

Azriel nodded lightly and wiped away a tear that rested against one of the scars on her cheek. As they were leaving the pond earlier that day, he had known that he shouldn't have left her alone. He had known that he shouldn't have let her go to bed alone, but he also hadn't wanted to push them too far too quick so he had kissed her goodnight and they'd gone their separate ways. He'd stayed awake anyway, though he'd hoped that all of the honesty and the way that the night had ended might have helped her to sleep better that night and not have a nightmare. He just needed to be sure that she was okay. That was all that needed. He needed her to be okay... 

But he could tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn't, so he stayed quiet and he waited for her to feel ready to talk to him about this. He didn't care how long it would take, he didn't care if Rhys needed him or if Cassian needed something. He didn't care if the world was on fire, he would stay here, with her and he would listen. 

"I think that it would be easier to tell you about it if you saw how bad it actually is first," Amara said quietly, glancing down at the scars on her hands. He knew about those and he knew about a few of the ones that she had on her forearms and her face but the rest? He didn't know about the rest. 

Amara's nightwear was the only thing that allowed any of her skin to be visible which was why she had wrapped herself up in the nightgown that she kept on her bedpost. If she could have it her way then she would have them covered even when she was sleeping but the healer Tamlin had asked her to see had suggested that if they had any hope of the splinters making their way to the surface, they couldn't constantly be covered. The fact that even now, months later, there had only been one splinter come to the surface showed how thorough Rhys had been in digging them in. 

She let out a shaky breath before she started to undo the piece of fabric used to tie the robe closed. He stopped her though, placing his hand over hers gently so that her movements ceased completely. 

"You don't have to do this if you aren't ready to," Azriel told her softly, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. 

"I know but if anyone is going to understand and not freak out then it's you," Amara commented softly as she looked down at their hands. "Besides, I need to get over it eventually." 

"This isn't something you should force yourself in to coming to terms with. It takes time and luckily for you, you're immortal so you have a lot of that." 

Amara looked over at him and sighed. "Please? I just... I'm not rushing it. I just need to do this or I'm never going to." 

Azriel looked at her softly and for the first time that night, noticed the desperation in her eyes. She needed this and he couldn't deny her. He could never deny her of anything, especially something as important as this, he just wanted her to be sure first before she did anything. The look in her eyes and her words were telling him that she was so he took his hand away from hers and let her continue. 

That was when he saw just how bad it really was, and that was when all he wanted to do was kill the person who had done it to her. He just had to let her speak first so that he could find out who it was.


	35. Chapter 35

"Amara... you need to tell me who did this." 

"And you need to promise me that you won't try and kill them." 

"You know that I can't promise you that. Don't make me tell you a lie." 

Amara sighed and looked over at him and the rage that was so obvious in his eyes even though he tried to keep it off his face. While he had uncontrollable, icy rage roaring in his eyes, she had only a deep, dark sadness. She knew that Az had a rage that no one had been able to tame, he barely had been able to, so she also knew full well that even his loyalty to the male who had done this to her wouldn't stop him from enacting the revenge that he deemed necessary. 

"I don't know if I can sit here and tell you the full story so can you please ask questions instead? Start with the easy ones," Amara quietly asked him, her eyes not moving his. She needed to be able to see if that rage softened or got worse. Things wouldn't end well if she didn't keep an eye on it. 

"How long were you Under the Mountain before it started?" He asked her, noting that some of them looked a lot more recent than the others. 

"It started the day that Feyre arrived Under the Mountain. I was blamed for her finding the place. Amarantha said that I must have done it because of how close Feyre and I had been back in the Spring Court," Amara answered calmly. 

Az just nodded. "Which is why you avoid her now?" 

"Yes." 

"Who did it?" 

"I asked for you to start with the easy questions, Az." 

"Why isn't that an easy question?" 

"It just isn't. What's your next one?" 

He was silent for a few moments, contemplating whether it was worth it to try and get her to tell him. Instead he decided against it, noticing that steel determination behind the sadness in her eyes. He could practically read her like a book and yet he had been so blind to all of her feelings up until that day. He had never noticed how much his distance was hurting her and breaking her apart. He'd never seen just how much she was struggling with everything that had happened to her. He had never seen that protective side of her that came out whenever Feyre was involved in everything, even after everything that the two had gone through. 

Azriel could read her, but only when she allowed it, and right now, she was allowing him to see the deepest and darkest parts of her while he sat there in silence mulling over his next question. 

"Why haven't they healed?" He decided on. It seemed like a pretty easy question. 

"They did bring healers in but there wasn't exactly much that they could do," Amara answered quietly. "Because your... because the person that did this to me put splinters in to the cuts so that they wouldn't heal. Said he was doing it to impress her." 

"Why haven't the healers gotten them out then?" He asked with a frown, not really understanding how bad it actually was. He could see that they hadn't healed, that only one of the many many scars (he counted about eight-seven of them) had healed so he was assuming that the splinter had made its way out of that one. 

"Because he was very thorough. He dug them in deep. I have to let them work their way to the surface or have the healers dig in to my body for hours on end to try and find them." 

Azriel's gaze flickered to the dagger on his bedside table so Amara took his hand in to hers. He turned his gaze back to her and sighed, noting the pleading look on her face as he traced his thumb along the cut that had scarred. 

"Is that what you keep dreaming about? Him... cutting you and everything else that he did?" Azriel asked her quietly. 

She shook her head. "It's more that I dream about the smell of the blood. And the feeling of the splinters moving under my skin... which I still feel every single day. And the glint on the knife... and him apologising before every single cut in to my skin." 

"Amara, I need you to tell me who did it." 

"I can't." 

"Why not? Why is it so important for you to keep this person's identity a secret? Is it because you don't know who it was." 

"Of course I know who it was. I'm not an idiot. I knew the voice."

"Was it Tamlin?" 

The look on Amara's face was almost like he had slapped her. The hurt and the pain in her eyes that was nearly always there whenever her brother was mentioned was obvious, but there was also a slight protective glint in her eyes as well. Something that he had only ever seen over Cassian or Feyre or Lucien. Mainly over Lucien whenever someone had badmouthed him or lied about him. She was always quick to defend Lucien, but never Tamlin. 

"How about instead of looking at my brother you look at one of your own?" She snapped before she left the room, pulling the robe back around her body. 

Azriel was too in shock to go after her. 

Rhys... 

It had been Rhys... 

And Az knew exactly how he was going to go about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really quickly, there's a couple of things I want to bring up. 
> 
> So I am going to be putting a fun fact at the end of each chapter. Something that would have made it in to the fanfic or something that I decided to change. I am also going to be writing a novella about Amara's time Under the Mountain so expect that at some point. 
> 
> This fanfic will go up until the end of ACOMAF until I start it's sequel which will include ACOWAR, ACOFAS and possible ACOSF. Obviously this won't be for a while, just letting you know. 
> 
> I also have a playlist for this book that really adds to the understanding of Amara and Azriel's relationship. There are a few songs that you can actually link to their story already from what you've read so I highly suggest checking it out.
> 
> Finally, the Fun Fact for this chapter:  
> Amara was originally supposed to date Lucien and not Azriel.


	36. Chapter 36

A knock on the door. A growl and footsteps approaching. A frown on a usually passive face. 

It was a rare sight to see Azriel at Amren's doorstep and if she hadn't seen the anger in his eyes then she would have questioned him. Instead she nodded and let him carry her in a flight up to the Townhouse where Rhys and Feyre were returning from a failed visit to the prison. Rhys had sent a message ahead of time to both Cassian and Azriel that he and Feyre were returning a lot sooner than expected and Azriel had immediately made his way to Amren's apartment. He needed someone there to act as some sort of mediator or he couldn't fully say that he wouldn't kill Rhys himself. 

He set Amren down before they made their way in to the home from the balcony, Rhys sighing as he watched Feyre go back to her room. The sorrow in his eyes... the agony from seeing his mate in pain and being unable to do anything. Azriel knew that look all too well, he'd seen it looking back at him in the mirror, but right now, his was laced with anger as well. 

That was why he couldn't stop himself from holding TruthTeller to Rhys' throat. Cassian, who had been walking through, held his own sword up at Az while Rhys just raised an eyebrow and held a hand up for Cassian to stop. 

"I'm assuming she told you. I didn't know you two were even speaking," Rhys said calmly. 

"Who told him what?" Cassian asked, his frown growing as he looked between his two brothers and then over at Amren who just shrugged. 

"The scars on Amara. Rhys did them," Azriel growled, not taking his eyes off of his High Lord. 

"You what?!" Cassian snapped, almost as protective of Amara as Azriel was. He hadn't offered to be her fake fiancé for nothing after all. 

"It was Under the Mountain. I didn't have a choice," Rhys argued, causing Azriel's dagger to press against his throat more. 

"You didn't have to dig the splinters in as deep as you did." 

"If I didn't they would have healed too easily. Amarantha would have known something was wrong and Amara would have been harmed far worse." 

"And you would have as well," Amara said quietly from the doorway. 

The four Night Court members in the room looked over at her. None of them had heard her come in. They'd all assumed that she'd been in the House of Wind or in Velaris with Mor. That was the only reason Azriel had decided to do this today. He'd needed to pick a time where she wasn't around or she would stop him. He needed to do this though. He was doing it for her and it was so important to him that she understood that. 

Amara was in a dark green dress that hugged her figure perfectly so Azriel couldn't help his gaze travelling up her body before settling on her eyes. Her dress had a slit up one leg that stopped rather abruptly mid-thigh. It wasn't too much that it revealed every single cut on her legs but it was enough that you could make out a few every now and again depending on how her leg caught the light. 

"Knives down, boys. It's rather dramatic, don't you think?" Amara commented softly and Cassian lowered his, sheathing it again, but Azriel's dagger didn't move from Rhys' throat. Amara just sighed and a vine started to grow around Azriel's wrist, cutting off his circulation until he dropped the dagger on the floor. Then the vines disappeared and Azriel had the common sense to put TruthTeller back in it's usual spot on his body. 

Amara took slow and tentative steps towards them all, Amren tilting her head slightly as she took in how erringly calm Amara seemed. 

"I didn't even tell you the best part," Amara said, looking over at Azriel. "I had a choice. Either I take a life from a Spring Court member or somebody who had annoyed Amarantha in some way, or I earn a new scar. He'd cut me first of course, let that heal and show me the pain I would be in if the blade made contact with my skin again. Then the fae would be brought in and I would be made to choose." 

Rhys's gaze shifted away from his brother and over to Amara. There wasn't a hint of guilt in his gaze. No remorse for what it was that Rhys had subjected Amara to. He'd done it as survival and that was what he had been telling himself ever since he had left the Mountain and the tortures that occurred beneath it. He had done every single thing to keep himself and his people safe. Amara had just always thought she would be included in those people but apparently not. 

"I didn't have a choice," Rhys told her quietly as a stillness seemed to settle in the House of Wind. 

"See, that's what I keep telling myself so that I don't hate you. But she just told you to give me a choice. She didn't tell you to add the splinters or to cut me before anything even happened. She sent Thesan in purely for the reason that she wanted me to heal so I could go through it over and over again," Amara told him, looking up at Rhys and making eye contact with him for the first time since she'd left the Mountain. "And then, you forced Nualla and Cerridwen to dress me up in front of mirrors in lace and silk and sit me at a piano... and you'd make me play the songs that you had Feyre dance to. You paraded me around to show off the torture you subjected me to every single day. And then you'd sit there and you'd laugh about it and you'd drug Feyre so she never remembered but you never did that to me. You wanted me to remember. Why?" 

Rhys looked at her and sighed. He couldn't run from this anymore. "Some part of me will always hold resentment towards your family. You and Tamlin are the only ones that remain. Using you and Feyre was the only way that I could get Amarantha to continue to trust me but also torture you both." 

"I was barely a teenager when everything happened between our families," Amara snarled. 

"That doesn't change the fact that you are your father's daughter." 

That was when Azriel and Cassian noticed it. The glint of metal on Amara's thigh. 

Then that glint of metal shone from Rhys' stomach as Amara shoved a dagger in to it. 

"See, I missed the vital organs like you always did. You kind of taught me the best ways for someone to be hurt and still live. Unfortunately, the only ashwood that I have is still in my body and I'm currently unable to get any so I can't leave any splinters in your wound so that it doesn't heal," Amara said with fake sympathy dripping off her tongue as Rhys leaned in to her a bit. "I hope this makes us even," she whispered in to his ear before she pulled the dagger out and walked away. 

Azriel had to admit, he had never loved this woman more than in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Amara was originally going to be at the party and have a mask decorated with flowers to highlight her powers rather than Tamlin's.


	37. Chapter 37

There were only so many places in Velaris where Amara could be. Cassian, Amren and Azriel had divided the three spots but Amren had specifically been given the one that Amara was most likely to be. She didn't need Azriel right now. She needed somebody who could help clear her head without giving a biased opinion.

That option was Amren and she knew exactly where the girl was.

The stairs.

There was one specific star on the way down the ten thousand steps that Amara frequented when her mind seemed like it was all too much. The first time that Amara had stepped foot in the House of Wind, she had gone wondering while waiting for everyone and had made her way down the stairs, counting each of them as she always did whenever she went down any new staircase. She had gotten to the seven thousandth step before she heard someone call her name and had turned to go up the stairs again, completely fine and not at all out of breath like Cassian expected to find her. He had been annoyed about this certain fact and had ranted about it to his brothers all night until they challenged her to make it all the way up and all the way down. First she had done it sober so then they made her do it drunk which she also excelled at. Apparently her habit of wandering through the woods and over the hills in the Spring Court for hours on end was starting to come in handy. 

Amren knew that Amara would be on that seven thousandth step and sighed as she started her descent down the stairs, grumbling about people stabbing High Lords. By the time she reached Amara, Amren was out of breath so she sat down and went quiet for a while. Amara stayed quiet as well, letting the darkness and the silence envelope them. She could still feel Azriel's shadow swirling around her wrist though which kept her rooted to remembering where she was. 

"Why do you come down here? It's so dark," Amren complained as she moved her hand in front of her face. At least that was what Amara assumed she was doing, she could barely see her. 

"That's the point, darling," Amara said softly as she leaned against the wall behind her. "There's darkness above and there's darkness below." 

"I don't get it." 

Amara had a smile on her face as she listened to Amren admit that she didn't understand something. That didn't happen every day so Amara took it upon herself to explain her weird belief. "There is dark above and there is dark below. They both lead to something that brings light though. One leads to family and comfort and the other leads to life and love. It shows that there are different things that can bring you out of that darkness but that no matter what, you have to be the one to bring yourself out. It just depends on what you do it for. Family or life." 

Amren nodded lightly and looked over at the High Fae that she had grown so close to. "Do you want to talk about it? The whole Rhys thing." 

"Not really. I think I got enough of it out today that I might not need to talk about it for a while," she admitted. "But I do need a favour from you because I can't exactly ask any of the others and Madja has refused." 

"What is it?" 

"I need you to cut in to my body and remove the splinters," Amara told her softly. 

"Why did Madja refuse?" 

"Said that it goes against everything she believes in to harm someone. Even if it is to take out what's hurting them in the first place. Apparently I should just wait for the splinters to come to the surface but feeling them move in my skin is making me feel gross." 

Amren nodded and looked up at the stairs she had pretty much just descended from. She still didn't really understand Amara's appeal to be sat here but if it made sense to her then it didn't really matter if anyone else understood. All that mattered was that it brought her comfort and made her feel just a little bit better. Not many people could say that they had a place like that. 

"How many did you kill?" Amren asked her softly. 

"Three people. I was down there for ninety days. I have eighty-seven scars. There were some days where the pain was too much. Where I would do anything to not feel that excruciating pain so I did it. I tried not to think about it but I always knew who it was. I could tell by the way they begged. Their voices... I still hear them when I'm in complete darkness." 

"Then why are you down here?" 

"Because sometimes I feel like I deserve to hear them. Like it's my punishment for everything that I did. So sometimes I sleep without a small fire in the fireplace or I come down here and stay in the silence so that the only thing that I can hear is them begging for me to spare them." 

"What did you do to deal with this at the Spring Court?" Amren asked her softly, kind of scared of the answer. 

A slightly sad smile made its way on to Amara's face. "Tamlin could always tell when I was falling in to the darkness. Spiralling as Lucien liked to say. He would come and get me and we would sit in the library by the fire and just... talk. He'd play the fiddle and play songs that would help lull me to sleep when I was a child. Sometimes he would put the fire out and he'd hold me while I listened to the voices but it was only when I needed it. Other than that he would sit and read to me or Lucien and I would go for a walk so that I didn't have to think about anything that happened." Amara sighed slightly and ran a hand through her hair. "Sometimes I can't help but feel like it's my fault that Feyre didn't get the help that she needed." 

"Well it seems she still needs that help. She can't bring herself to go in to the Prison," Amren told her with a roll of her eyes. 

"Then trick her in to it. She doesn't know how she broke out. She actually doesn't know all that much about Prythian or the Fae. Trick her in to it." 

"You know, I think you might have just given me an idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Amara was originally going to be a part of the Dawn Court and Thesan's fiancée before she met Az.


	38. Chapter 38

Feyre had spent the entirety of the day in bed, completely unaware of everything that had happened just down the hall from her. It had been decided that things would stay that way. Feyre trusting Rhys was crucial to them being able to win this war but Amara felt like trust couldn't be earned if they were keeping things from her. 

There was one thing that had always cheered Feyre up on a bad day so Amara made her way in to town, stopping at the bakery. A cherry tart. It was a specialty of Alis' and while this would never be Alis' baking, the cherry tart in this bakery was to die for. At least that was how Amara felt but she also might be biased because of her friendship with the head baker. Dolores was one of the few people who never asked Amara about her time in the Spring Court or expected an answer to every question she had. The two had spent many nights talking and drinking wine in the kitchen of the bakery, Amara ranting about Azriel or anything else going on in her life while Dolores worked on some of the pastries and doughs that she would need for the next day, always happy to be a sounding board for her friend. It definitely wasn't a friendship that anybody had expected but it was a beautiful friendship nonetheless. 

The worker for the day looked up and smiled when she saw Amara who had recently become a regular. Not that she hadn't been before but she was definitely here a lot more than she had been on previous occasions. 

"Dolores! Your girlfriend is here!" Brigette yelled before she went back to serving the customer in front of her. 

One time Dolores and Amara had gotten very very drunk and Brigette had come back to work to grab the keys she'd forgotten to see the pair kissing. She hadn't let it drop ever since but Dolores and Amara were close enough that it didn't really matter. 

Dolores came out with a grin on her face. "Hey! I thought I wouldn't see you for another couple of hours," she commented as she hugged Amara. 

"I thought I'd pop by a bit earlier and grab something sweet. There's a friend in need," Amara said softly, wiping the flour off of Dolores' cheek and forehead. 

"Well, as I always say-" 

"Sweet fixes everything," Amara and Brigette chimed in, cutting Dolores off who frowned. After all, it was the catch phrase of the bakery so it was a bit hard for the two of them to forget Dolores' key catchphrase. 

"I hate you both," Dolores chimed, sending Brigette a look before she turned back to Amara. "What can I get you, anyway?" 

"Wow, Dolores that is some great customer service. I hope you speak to all your customers like that. I mean, you must if you're so packed," Amara teased, earning a swat on the shoulder from Dolores. "In all seriousness though, I need a couple of cherry tarts." 

Dolores raised an eyebrow at her before she went to go and get two cherry tarts, popping them in to a small box. Dolores was a rather small fae, probably only a few inches taller than Amren. She had chin length white hair and dark blue eyes that meant that Amara and Brigette often teased her that they would one day lose her in the snow during the winter, which of course resulted in Dolores flipping them both off and walking a bit ahead of them... and then getting lost in the crowd. She also had what Amara had taken to calling Short People Syndrome, or SPS for short. Of course, Amren had this as well but people knew better than to say it to her face. It was just an observation that Amara had noticed that shorter people also tended to have shorter fuses so all of their emotions came out a lot quicker than anyone else's might have. Her theory was that there was only so much space in their bodies to hold that much emotion so it had to come out one way or another. It just happened sooner the shorter you were. 

Brigette was almost an exact opposite of Dolores. Where Dolores was short and fiery, Brigette was tall and sensitive. Her long black hair reached her hips and she always wore it pinned up when she was in the bakery, much to Dolores' content. Her dark brown eyes were so comforting and where Dolores was indifferent about physical contact, Brigette would hug anyone whenever she wanted. Brigette had power rolling off of her and whenever Amara had asked, she had quickly changed the conversation topic. There was something about that power that made you relax, unlike when you were around someone who had the same amount and it made you wary around them, Rhys and Amara were prime examples of that. 

A soft sigh left Dolores' lips as she handed Amara the box. "I still think you should just move in with me so I can see you more often." 

"And while that is an amazing offer, I would hate to keep you up all night with my nightmares," Amara told her softly. This was a conversation that they had often. 

"You say that every time and every time I tell you that it doesn't matter because you'll be hanging out with me and away from your mate who won't talk to you." 

"Oh, he kissed me the other day." 

Brigette dropped the cup that she'd been carrying and turned to Amara. Dolores looked like she might pass out. One of the old regulars choked on her tea. The rest of the customers just looked confused at the reactions of the three women, no understanding the reasoning behind it. 

"He... you... he..." Dolores stammered out. "He kissed you?!" 

"Are you seriously yelling about this?" Amara asked her with a raised eyebrow. 

"WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?!" 

"I've kind of been a bit busy!" 

"Get out of my shop," Dolores said as she crossed her arms over her chest. "And don't come back until this evening with one of the High Lord's expensive bottles of wine because I expect details." 

"You're being dramatic," Amara commented as she made her way to the door. 

"And you're being too calm," Brigette called after her. 

Amara rolled her eyes but, as always, left the little bakery with a smile on her face. That was until she got back to the Townhouse and to Feyre's room. She sighed softly when she saw how bad she looked, noting the amulet that was in her hands. It looked familiar and to Amren's taste so she was assuming that Amren had something to do with it and why Feyre seemed to be clutching it so tightly. 

Feyre looked up from the amulet in her hands and over to Amara, a weak smile on her face. "Hey. I'm assuming you've come in to tell me that I didn't completely fail today?" 

"Nope. I am here to fill you with sugary treats and tell you a story," Amara told her with a shrug, sitting down on Feyre's bed. She set the box down and opened it up to reveal the two cherry tarts and a couple of mini apple pies that Dolores had thrown in as well. 

"What's the story?" Feyre asked as she picked up one of the mini apple pies. 

"It's about a girl who had everything that she could have ever wanted, but not the one thing that she needed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Dolores once ranted at Azriel about how amazing Amara was and how he was missing out on a perfect mate.


	39. Chapter 39

_There once was a girl who had everything that her little heart could desire. She had a roof over her head and food on the table and jewels adorning her throat and wrists. She was often described as the happiest girl in the court, always seen with a smile on her face and always more than ready to help somebody. All the girl ever wanted to do was make someone as happy as she was._

_That was the one thing that she didn't have. A one true love. She knew that he would come along though so she didn't worry. The girl appreciated everything that she had and she spoke to every person that she came across. She kept a smile on her face and she waited patiently for her true love to arrive._

_She waited..._

_And waited..._

_And waited..._

_It took decades and by this point the girl was now a woman and her smile had turned in to a frown. She had based her entire life and her entire happiness around the fact that she wanted this one true love to arrive and yet he hadn't. She had based her entire happiness around an idea, around a man who didn't exist._

_But that was the problem. She had expected her one true love to be a man so she had run away with the first man who had called her his mate. She bore his children and she loved each of them. She became a Lady of the court and she taught her children the instruments that she had learnt to pass the time waiting for her true love. She taught her only daughter that there was so much more to life than the one you're meant to be with and that when you found that person, it would feel like the world had aligned._

_Of course the Lady had no idea that she had actually met her one true love, and it wasn't her husband. Her husband may have been her Cauldron given mate but that didn't make him her true love. Her true love had been the woman that had taught her all of those instruments. It had been the woman that had taught her the fiddle and the piano and the flute. It had been the woman who had come by every single day to see that smile that always had graced the Lady's face. It had been the woman who had stuck by her as that smile turned to a frown._

_It had been the woman that the Lady had abandoned the second that she heard the word 'mate'._

_Now the Lady didn't realise this until many centuries had passed. She didn't realise it until she saw her daughter grow in to an unruly teenager who could only be calmed with the music that the woman had taught the Lady and the Lady had passed on to her children._

_The Lady died, never able to tell the woman that she had loved her. That she understood now and she was so sorry that she hadn't seen it sooner. Her smile never did return in all of the years that she spent with her mate. Instead of being the happiest girl in the court, she was the grumpiest Lady instead. The Lady never smiled again until the moment she had died._

_The Lady died listening to her daughter playing the song the woman had taught her all those years ago. She died not with her mate but with her one true love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Amara can play the cello as well as the piano that she is most known for.


	40. Chapter 40

"Who was the story about?"

Amara looked up from her untouched cherry tart and sighed, looking over at Feyre again. While telling Amara was telling the story, Feyre had gotten through two of the mini apple pies and her own cherry tart. She hadn't come in here to tell that story. Honestly, Amara wasn't entirely sure why she had decided to tell Feyre the story but she knew that she was glad that he had. There was just something about being able to talk about her mother that made Amara feel a lot better about her current situation.

"It was about my mother. Her story and how she found my father," Amara told her softly.

"I thought your mother had been happy?"

"So did I. Until Tamlin told me that story not long after my parents and my older brothers died. She'd told him her story when he had been little and she would add to it whenever she realised something. He added to it after our mother died though. Said that I deserved to know who our mother was since I was clearly her favourite."

Feyre nodded lightly and ran a hand through her hair. "Why did you tell me the story though?" 

Amara hesitated before she answered. "I can't say that I'm entirely sure why I did. I just know that it felt right to. Maybe it was to remind you not to put all of your happiness in to one thing like you have in the past. You put all of your happiness in to being with Tamlin and that didn't exactly work out. I just... I don't want to see you get hurt again, Feyre. None of us do. Rhys wouldn't ask you to go in to the Prison if he didn't think that you could handle it."

Honestly, Amara wasn't entirely sure that Rhys' judgement of Feyre was correct. This girl still had a long way to go before she was ready to just go back in to a mountain, even if it was something that was crucial to them figuring out this war before it even started. There wasn't much that Amara could think of that would get Feyre to go back under a mountain but determination was surely something that would work. Thankfully for them all, Feyre was one of the most determined people that Amara knew. Well, probably after Dolores. 

Amara glanced out the window and saw the sunsetting outside. She chewed on the inside of her cheek before she looked over at Feyre again. "Do you want to go out for the night?" She asked her with a raised eyebrow. 

"I don't know if that's a good idea." 

"Because you don't want to or because you think that Rhys won't approve of me taking you in to town?" 

"More like I am a little concerned that whoever we are off to meet won't like me," Feyre admitted quietly as she looked over at Amara with a timid smile. 

"Well, Brigette certainly will adore you and while Dolores gets a little bit... judgey that's usually about males so I think you'll be fine," Amara assured her. 

"Then yes... I would like to go." 

~

It didn't take long for Feyre to get changed in to something she found comfortable and for the two to make their way down to the bakery. Dolores lived in an apartment above it and usually when Amara spent the night, she was woken to the smell of freshly baked goods which was always a delight. 

"Okay, so, Dolores is going to tell you that the only rule is that you have to keep up with how much she drinks but if you don't want to then you don't have to. It is far more fun if you don't to be honest," Amara told Feyre as she knocked on Dolores' door and waited for an answer. 

"How so?" Feyre asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Dolores rants," Amara explained. 

Speaking of, Dolores opened the door, bottle of wine in hand and a grin on her face. She tilted her head slightly when she saw Feyre and looked over at Amara. "Who's this?" 

"This is Feyre. She's joining us tonight. Be nice." 

"I am nice," Dolores argued with a pout before she led the two of them inside. 

Amara shrugged and made her way over to grab a couple of glasses from the cupboard. She ran a hand through her hair and a slight smile made its way on to her wrist as she noticed the piece of shadow twirling around her wrist. 

The pair hadn't seen each other since the... incident with Rhys that morning. It wasn't that they were avoiding each other but more that they were busy. He was off on some mission for Rhys and she was off flitting about the town and trying to convince Feyre that everything was okay. She wasn't entirely surprised that he was still checking on. As far as she could tell, he always was. He usually kept the piece of shadow more hidden though, rarely around her wrist when he wasn't by her side. One thing that he had never known though was that she could move the shadow however she pleased between her fingers. They reached out to her rather than shied away. 

_I'm fine. You don't need to check up on me._ She told him down the bond. Amara ran a hand through her hair and poured both herself and Feyre a glass of wine. 

_I know that but that doesn't mean I'm not going to. Besides, I think that shadow is a little bit attached to you._ Azriel responded and she could hear the smile in his thoughts. 

"Amara! Stop talking to Azriel and come drink," Dolores whined lightly. 

_Go. I don't need Dolores ranting at me again._ Az said softly. 

_Again?_

He was already gone though so Amara made her way over to the girls and sat on the couch with a sigh. She looked over at Dolores and raised an eyebrow at the expectant look on her face. "What is it?" 

"I am expecting details. About you and your mate," Dolores said with a shrug.

"Wait. You have a mate?" Feyre asked with a slight tilt of her head. 

"I forgot you didn't know," Amara said softly as she sat up a bit. "It's Azriel." 

"But you're so... distant." 

"They were distant. Apparently they aren't anymore which is why I demand details," Dolores said with a smile on her face. 

"If I tell you what happened will you shut up?" Amara asked her. 

"Naturally." 

"Fine. This is what happened..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Amara was told her mother's story as if it was a fairy tale which is why she told it to Feyre in the same way.


	41. Chapter 41

"So basically, what I'm hearing is that you spent almost two centuries ignoring each other, kissed, revealed your deepest traumas and secrets and you just haven't spoken since?"

Amara raised an eyebrow at Feyre's question before she nodded. "Yeah, basically. He's busy doing stuff for Rhys so it's not an ideal situation but it's the one we have at the moment."

Dolores, who had already drank four bottles to herself, tilted her head. "You know, I yelled at him once. The only... wait, I might be getting this wrong... No, I'm right. It was the only time he ever came in to the... the um... crap I can't remember the word."

"The bakery, darling?"

"Yes! That's it!"

One thing that always made Amara smile was when Dolores got this drunk because she could never remember words to anything. Usually she asked for the word but, being as stubborn as she was, Dolores also tended to just make a word up for it or come up with a far more complicated word than she needed. More often than not, that word became a part of the trio's vocabulary and it was what they used most of the time when talking to each other. It was quite common for Amara to slip up and say the word around other people as well so she had to quickly correct herself before anyone could question her about the word that she had used instead. This mostly happened around Cassian so avoiding questions didn't always come easy. 

"Anyway! When he was still um... um... no wording you, I had a go at him about it when he came by to get something for the.... the General!" Dolores managed to get out, making a giggle leave Feyre's lips and a raised eyebrow grace Amara's face. 

"You seriously yelled at him for ignoring me?" Amara asked her. 

"Well, yeah. You're an amazing, beautiful goddess. He can't just go around ignoring that. It's offensive and because of your title, it's also heresy," Dolores said stubbornly. 

Every now and again you could get a perfect sentence from Dolores when she was drunk. It was usually about something that she was passionate about or something that she wholeheartedly believed in. This seemed to be one of those things. Amara and Feyre, however, were completely amused by everything that Dolores was saying at the moment. Feyre might have thought that Dolores was just being a dramatic drunk but Amara knew better. Dolores had said those things to her before, said that she thought Amara was beautiful and that she was amazing and that she might as well be a goddess. She wasn't really surprised that she had said the same thing to Azriel though she knew there was definitely a lot more added to it. 

A soft yawn left Feyre's lips and Amara smiled slightly. "I'm going to head back to the House. You want to stay here?" Amara asked her softly. 

Feyre nodded from where she was laying on the couch, Dolores close to falling asleep herself in the armchair. "Yeah. That might actually be a better option than making you walk me home," she said softly as she grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch. 

Amara carefully grabbed another blanket and laid it over Dolores, making sure not to wake her. "Make sure she drinks a lot of water when she wakes up. If she has a headache, there's some tonics in the cupboard but she prefers the tea. Make her take both." 

Feyre nodded lightly. "How often do you do this?" 

"Usually once a week but we haven't in a while," Amara admitted as she cleaned up the empty bottles. She wasn't drunk, per say, but she definitely wasn't sober either. There was an extra rosy tint to her cheeks and her smile was a lot bigger than she usually allowed. She had parts of her sleeves rolled up as well which she definitely would not have allowed if she was one hundred percent sober. "I'll see you tomorrow, Feyre." 

Feyre smiled lightly before she drifted to sleep on the couch. Amara finished cleaning up Dolores' apartment and sighed as she made her way out of the apartment and out to the street below. She wasn't all that surprised to see Azriel making his way down the street towards her so she quickened her steps a bit, slipping her hand in to his when she got to him. 

"So I heard that Dolores had a go at you a few years ago," Amara said casually, an innocent smile on her face. 

Azriel shuddered lightly at the memory. "Don't remind me. I always forget how terrifying your friends always are." 

"Dolores is a sweetheart." 

"To you maybe. Definitely not to me. I think she said she was going to set you up with every eligible male in Velaris just to prove that you could easily find someone else to date," Azriel told her with a slightly amused smile. 

"She tried that. I just didn't go on the dates... or I scheduled them to be when I was in Spring instead." 

Azriel kissed her temple lightly as he walked with her through the town centre, knowing that eventually he would fly her up to the House of Wind rather than the two of them taking the ten thousand steps. It was definitely not something he could be bothered with right now, even if it would completely sober her up. He rubbed his thumb over the healed scar on her wrist, accidentally touching one of the ones that hadn't healed. He frowned when he felt a prick and pulled his thumb up lightly, taking the splinter that had lodged itself in there out of it. 

Amara looked over at him and noticed the splinter in between his fingers before he threw it to the side. The two of them looked down at her wrist to see that yet another one of her scars was starting to heal. She stopped walking and looked at her wrist, a tear falling silently down her cheek. She knew that eventually all of the splinters would leave her body but she had kind of given up on believing that it might start happening soon. 

Amara let out a shaky breath as Azriel picked her up and flew them both home. 

That was the first night that she spent sleeping in his arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Dolores had a school girl crush on Cassian when she was younger.


	42. Chapter 42

As it turns out, falling asleep in the arms of somebody you loved was a perfect way to keep the nightmares away. Then again, in Amara's experience, it was probably a combination of the alcohol, falling asleep in Az's arms, and the fact that another one of her scars had healed.

When Amara did eventually wake up, she was surprised to see that Az was still in bed beside her. It was common knowledge that he always got up really early and that Amara was an insanely light sleeper. If Az had gotten up at any point, she would have known about it. She always knew when anyone was awake in the house. Not something that she entirely enjoyed because Cassian and Azriel always got up before sunrise so she was always awake far too early for her liking. It wasn't that she usually wasn't already awake anyway, it was the fact that whenever someone else was up and she could hear them, she felt like she had to get up as well. 

Originally, the pair had fallen asleep with her head against his chest but they had woken up with her back against his and both his arms and his wings wrapped around her. The tiny bit of light that seemed to escape through his wings told her that it was day time so she rolled over in his arms and looked up at him softly. She carefully moved some of his hair out of his eyes and felt his shadows swirl around her body a bit quicker than they had been. It was almost like they were now waking up purely because she had.

Az, it appeared, was already awake because once she finished moving his hair out of his face, his eyes opened and he looked down at her. "Hey... how'd you sleep?" He asked her softly as he rubbed her side gently, which seemed to be the only part of her that was unscarred. 

"I slept okay. Better than I have in a really long time," she admitted softly as she looked up in to his hazel eyes. "What are you still doing in bed? I thought you would be up by now." 

"Rhys was already here when I woke up. I didn't think it was a very good idea to get up and be around him right now." 

Amara nodded lightly and leaned her forehead against his chest. "If I hadn't shown up... what would you have done?" She asked him quietly, slipping her hand in to his. Feeling his fingers intertwine with hers was always such a comforting feeling and she had only just started to be able to feel it. 

"I don't... I don't really know. I think I probably would have done something that would have resulted in a lot of family and court politics. I can't say whether I would end up regretting it though. After everything he did to you... everything that he's still doing to you... I don't know if I can be around him without wanting to slit his throat," Azriel admitted as he played with Amara's hair, the blonde contrasting perfectly with the shadows that twirled around them. She really was the light shining through his darkness and he was surprised that it had taken him this long to figure that out. 

She looked up at him softly and he carefully cupped her cheek. He traced along the part of the scar that was on her cheek. "I don't think that you should leave my side when he's around." 

"Because you're worried I'll kill him?" Az asked her with a raised eyebrow. 

"Actually, it's more because I have a lot of pent up Rhys-anger right now and I'm worried that _I_ might kill him instead." 

Az nodded and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'd say that's a rather understandable point of view." 

"So would I but I think we might both be a little bit biased." 

Azriel chuckled softly as he held her close to him. That chuckle soon became a groan of annoyance when they heard very recognisable footsteps coming towards the door. 

And in true Cassian fashion, he didn't knock. He just walked in and laid at the end of the bed like a loyal puppy. "So I've been thinking." 

"That's never a good sign," Amara said with a sigh as Azriel unwrapped his wings from around her and the two of them sat up, him keeping an arm around her waist as he looked down at his brother. 

"Well, actually, I've been thinking about you two and what I've been thinking about will become very obvious if you come with me in to the front room. There are way too many folders and pieces of paper for me to carry in here and I know how Az here is about mess in his room. Which actually doesn't explain why Amara's dress is so messily on the floor but I guess when you're rushing to get your clothes off, cleanliness isn't much of a priority." 

Amara rolled her eyes and kicked Cassian off the bed. "We didn't have sex, dumbass."

"Well that must have been a very boring night." 

"What do you want, Cassian?" Azriel asked him with a sigh. 

"Like I said, I need to show you something. Also you two are the only ones here so it's either that I bother you or I go and find someone a certain tiny demon and I'm pretty sure she'll stab me," Cassian told his brother before he got up. "So hurry up. I have lots to share." 

And with that, Cassian left the room, closing the door behind him. Azriel rolled his eyes and leaned his forehead against Amara's temple, pulling her closer to him. She kissed the back of his scarred hand lightly and smiled over at him. 

"Remind me to get locks on the door," he said softly before he kissed her cheek and got up. 

"Noted." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long. I just started an apprenticeship a couple of weeks ago so with college work on Fridays and work in a primary school during the week, I probably am not going to be able to update a lot. I am really excited to be able to start developing Az and Amara's relationship more though. 
> 
> On another note, we reached 11k views on this book on Wattpad (since I also post on AO3)! I'm going to be hosting an aesthetic competition to celebrate. Make an aesthetic about Amara and Cassian's friendship and send it to be on my insta: @faithelizabeth_reads . Entries have to be in by the 15th March. If no one sends one in then we will just forget this ever happened. 
> 
> And now, here is your fun fact for the chapter:
> 
> Amara is one of the only people Azriel's shadows are drawn to.


	43. Chapter 43

"So, as you know, I am a very simple male," Cassian started, making Amara raise an eyebrow at him as she took the cup of tea from his hands. "I'm very humble, I know. Stop looking like you're freaking out."

"It's hard to not want to freak out when you of all people tell us that you have a surprise," Azriel pointed out as he sipped his coffee. He then looked up from the cup and over at Cass. "How do you know I take my coffee?"

"You're my husband. It's my job to know."

"Anyway, what do you want Cass?" Amara asked her best friend.

"It is time for Az and I to get a divorce," Cassian said with a mournful sigh.

Azriel rolled his eyes as he sat down with Amara. Both of them glanced at the three different binders on the coffee table but neither dared to open them and flick through. Knowing Cassian, it was probably something far too dramatic for either of them to want to deal with before finishing their own respective hot drinks. Getting through Cassian crazy without any form of caffeine was pure idiocy.

"Cass, I hate to break it to you, but we'd actually have to be married for us to be able to get a divorce," Azriel pointed out as he looked over at his brother. "And no, I'm not going to marry you just so that we can get divorced."

Cass shot him a look which made a slight giggle leave Amara's lips. "Well then I guess you'll just have to ignore the first binder. Because they go in order. Divorce party, engagement party for the two of you, and then the binder for the wedding or mating ceremony. Whichever you prefer to call it."

Amara raised an eyebrow before she picked up one of the very heavy binders. The one she'd grabbed was the plans for the divorce party. To say that the plans were detailed was a gross understatement because it seemed like Cassian had been planning this for as long as the two of them had known each other. She sighed softly as she flicked through it, glancing over at Cassian who shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm a simple man. I see you two together, I plan a wedding," Cassian said in way of explanation.

Azriel glanced at Amara who just shrugged before he looked at Cassian again. "Let me get this straight. You spend your free time, planning our divorce party, mine and Amara's engagement party and then the wedding that would follow after?"

"Bearing in mind that you don't actually have that much free time and that this is what you chose to do with it," Amara added.

"Well, yeah. What else was I supposed to do? Read a book. You both know me better than that," Cassian argued with a roll of his eyes.

"Is it bad that I'm not all that surprised?" Amara asked Azriel before she sipped her tea.

"Not really," Azriel said with a sigh.

Amara handed the binder back to Cassian who picked them up and carried them back to his room. She sighed softly and laid her head on Azriel's shoulder, slipping her free hand in to his. He kissed the top of her head gently as Cassian came back in to the room, flopping in to his usual seat with the grace of a house cat, which was surprising to everyone given Cassian's size but less surprising when you remember his training. The three of them sat in a comfortable silence, Amara tracing over the scars on Azriel's hand while he tried not to flinch away from her touch. Amara thought he deserved her love, part of deserving that was not flinching from her touch; especially when it was focused on his hands. 

Mor soon came in and sat down beside Cassian who wrapped an arm around her and sighed, looking at the fire. Amren never did show up but the peaceful and comfortable quiet was not once disturbed while the four of them lounged about in the townhouse. Pretty soon though, Azriel grew restless and went to go and watch the snow fall from the window. Amara, completely unphased, picked up a book from the coffee table and curled her feet under herself as she started reading. 

It wasn't long before that comfortable silence and Azriel's concentration was broken though. Broken by one of the people that Azriel was trying to avoid. Broken by one of the people that Amara had vowed to never forgive. 

Rhys looked his calm, normal self. Feyre looked completely shaken up as she moved to sit beside Amara. "Amren's right. You _are_ like dogs, waiting for me to come home. Maybe I should buy some treats." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact of the chapter: Amara was originally not supposed to be Under the Mountain, but stuck trying to piece the Spring Court back together while Tamlin was gone. 
> 
> If you look at the wattpad version of this book, in this chapter you can see what Amara's scars on her face look like just in case you want to make any fanart or anything. The rest of her scars are completely open to interpretation, along with the bargaining tattoo on her left leg.


	44. Chapter 44

"How'd it go?" Mor asked as she sat up, straightening out her shirt from where she sat beside Cassian. 

"The Bone Carver," Rhys started, "is a busybody gossip who likes to pry into other people's business far too much." 

"Well you do the same so I feel like you're being a bit hypocritical," Amara mumbled, Feyre having to hold back a giggle as she was the only one to hear her. Amara sent her a soft smile and wrapped her arms around her when Feyre leaned her head on her shoulder. 

"But," Rhys continued, "he can also be helpful, when he chooses. And it seems that we need to start doing what we do best." 

Amara rolled her eyes and started to play with Feyre's hair as Az and Rhys went back and forth talking and asking questions about the best way to handle the situation. Cassian was completely silent as he took in the information, knowing that it was probably best that Azriel be the one to ask the questions. Feyre flexed her numb fingers so Amara carefully took her hands and helped arm them up. Amara took a quick glance out the window and sighed when she saw the familiar white head of hair that meant that Dolores (who had literally never made the trip to any of the houses owned by the High Lord) was making her way up to the townhouse. 

Once Rhys was finished explaining everything that had happened, Azriel spoke up. "I'll contact my sources in the Summer Court about where the half of the Book of Breathings is hidden. I can fly in to the human world myself to figure out where they're keeping their part of teh Book before we ask them for it." 

"No need," Rhys told him. "And I don't trust this information, even with your sources, with anyone outside of this room. Save for Amren." 

As always, Dolores had spectacular timing because that was when she knocked on the front door. Azriel looked over at Amara with an amused smile, Feyre raising an eyebrow because as far as she was aware, there wasn't a single person that actually _knocked_ on the front door of any of the estates that Rhys seemed to own. 

"Nobody answer that door," Rhys said before he turned his attention back to Azriel. 

"Okay, well, if she breaks your front door down then it isn't my problem," Amara said with a shrug, Feyre leaning in to her a little bit more. 

"We're not taking risks where this is concerned," Rhys told Azriel, completely ignoring Amara's comment and the knocking on the front door that just would not stop. To say that Dolores was persistent was an understatement. "Amara, I swear, if you don't answer that door." 

"You're the one that said not to answer it," Amara pointed out before she got up and went to go see her very annoying friend. 

Once the front door was opened, Amara saw the biggest grin that she had ever seen on Dolores' face. "What did you do?" 

" _I_ didn't do anything. Brigette, on the other hand, punched a homophobe and it was hilarious and I am totally giving her a raise," Dolores told her, her eyes lighting up. 

"Wait, seriously? And you ran all the way here to tell me that?" 

"Amara! I am not going to _wait_ to tell you that a homophobe got punched _in_ my bakery and that it was _Brigette_ of all people to do it," Dolores exclaimed, as if Amara was being ridiculous for questioning her urgency. 

Amara tilted her head slightly and raised an eyebrow at Dolores. "Please tell me that you were going to punch the homophobe but Brigette got her first?" 

"Oh definitely. I was about to hit her with a saucepan because for some reason I had one in my hands, and then Brigette just popped up out of basically nowhere and punched her in the face and I personally think today is the best day of my life," Dolores rambled with a massive grin on her face. "I really hope that she sues the place. Then I can punch her myself." 

"I don't think that's how it works, gorgeous," Amara told her with an amused smile. "Do you want to come in? I think they're just about wrapping up." 

Dolores looked at Amara softly, frowning slightly. "You're not going to make me apologise to your mate for having a go at him all those years ago, are you?" 

"No. No, I won't." 

"Then I would love to come in." 

It seemed that Amara was completely right about the fact that the others had finished planning everything because Rhys was already on his way out when Amara led Dolores in to the main room. She glanced over at Az who shook his head for her to not ask about it. 

_"I'll tell you the plan later,"_ he told her down the bond as Amara and Dolores sat with Feyre on the couch. 

Instantly, Mor handed out glasses of wine and sighed, looking at the fire that continued to blaze. Cassian had his head leaned back against the back of the couch, eyes closed as he held his glass of wine. Az was still looking out the window, watching the snow fall and the people of Velaris wander through the streets. Feyre leaned her head on Amara's shoulder and drifted to sleep quite quickly, no doubt exhausted from the events of that day. Dolores was glancing around before her eyes settled on the falling snow. Amara just watched her friend and smiled slightly before she sipped her glass of wine, finally feeling somewhat content in the house now that Rhys was no where to be found. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Dolores was born in the Dawn Court, but her mother is from the Winter Court and her father from the Night Court.

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the playlist for this fanfic. I 100% suggest you check it out because it helps give extra insight to the relationship. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7xRIG3mHPcdzQ24wzfyau3?si=c98994af23324ee0


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